The Wind Waker My Style
by shadows-of-ballance
Summary: I played T.W.W. and i talked to myself at the same time and i kinda came up with this: Realativley funnier version of the story *please read and review*
1. Outset Island

**ALRIGHT MY PEEPS THIS IS MAH NEW STORY. IT IS FIRST AND FOREMOST A COMICAL RETELLING OF THE WIND WAKER FROM NOONE'S POINT OF VIEW PER SAY**

**This is another story my editor is currentley working on.**

**ALSO I'VE BUMPED EVERYBODY UP THREE YEARS SO IT STARTS ON LINK'S 15TH BIRTHDAY BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ZELDA**

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**(Chapter one: Outset Island)**

On the southern section of the ocean lies a small peaceful island of Outset, where at this point in time, an eight year old girl was currently running along the beach yelling very loudly:

"BBBBIIIIGGGG BBBRRROOTTTTHHHEEERRRR," Aryll called out loudly, looking for her sibling before spotting a yellow patch of hair on her lookout tower.

As she finished the climb up the ladder, she looked down at her sleeping big brother with a sweet loving smile on her face....

.....

..... That was until she kicked him in the stomach. "Get up you lazy fucker."

Link held his stomach in great pain and got to his feet, but still looked very much asleep.

Aryll readopted her sweet expression and asked, "Big brother, you look tired. Are you high?"

Link shook his head. "NO OFFICER... oh wait... hey Aryll. Wassup," asked Link, patting his head as if trying to get water out of his ear.

Aryll looked Link over before yelling, "YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE HIGH ARN'T YOU? IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, DUMMY! GRANDMA WANTS YOU NOW!!!" Aryll's scream summoned demons from hell to attack the nearby merchant ship.

Link looked at her, highly unenthused. "So?" he muttered out.

After that comment, everyone saw Link being drop-kicked off the tower by his much littler sister.

Link sputtered out water and swam to shore. Upon reaching it, he pulled a notebook out of his pocket and put yet another check next to Aryll's name on his 'to kill list'. After doing so, he collected his composure and walked up to his house.

"Hey Grams, I'm home," Link announced upon entering his house.

"Come here Link and get your birthday presents," his grandma called.

"YES! PRESENTS!" Link yelled, jumping up the ladder.

"Okay Link, you get one now, the rest with dinner," Grandma explained.

"Deal," Link agreed.

"Okay then. Here's your present." Grandma answered, holding out some clothes in a pile.

Link lifted all of the clothes up; in turn quickly realizing it was a green tunic like the Hero of Legend. But it looked like it would be... tighter… much tighter. "But grandma, I'm... I'm not gay."

Grandma's expression didn't change. "You're not? Well regardless put these on. It's only for today."

Not wanting to activate grandma's angry mode, he put them on and stretched around... "Not as tight or hot as you'd think but... Still pretty gay."

Grandma smacked her rude grandson over the head with her hand and pushed him out of the loft. "Go get your sister, you fuggin' moron."

Link scooted out the door, heading for the tower, scribbling down Grandma's name.

As Link reached the top of the tower, he saw Aryll put something behind her back.

"What'cha got there, ya little ankle biter?" Link asked.

"Wow is that what Grams made you... It's pretty freaking gay. When did you start banging guys, Link?" Aryll asked in a childish voice.

"I'm not gay, jerk-face." Link said, acting very immature, even pouting a little.

"Shut up Link and put out your hand. I have a present for you," Aryll scolded.

"Fine," Link grumbled closing his eyes and putting out his hand. Aryll put her telescope in his hand.

"Gee... thanks baby sis," Link said tussling her hair.

"Hey look over there with the telescope. The mailman's doing crack again!" Aryll exclaimed happily.

As Link looked through the telescope, he spotted the mailman. Sure enough, he was holding a straw next to some cut up lines sitting on top of the mailbox.

Then Aryll said, "Man what a crack head. Right Link...**HOLY FUCKIN' MONKEYS! LINK! LOOK UP INTO THE SKY!"**

"Language Aryll. Seriously." Link muttered looking up and spotting... "**HOLY FUCKING MONKEYS LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT CLOUD!"**

Aryll smacked him in the head. "No, the bird stupid!" Redirecting the telescope towards the bird with her hand.

Link stared at the bird for a minute. "Wow... Big bird," before he spotted a girl in its claw. Link couldn't help but notice she was kinda cute. "Hey, it's got a cute girl in its claw." Link then noticed cannonballs flying by.

And followed them back to a "PIRATE SHIP!!!" Link yelled. "Wow best birthday ever. Pirates, cute girls, flying birds and a giant taco."

"Not to mention your new gay outfit," Aryll offered.

"My new gay out-... IT'S NOT GAY!" Link barked.

All of a sudden one of the cannon balls made contact with the bird and it dropped the girl into the forest of the island.

"Oh shit, Link. The bird dropped her in the forest... Go get a weapon and save her!" Aryll ordered.

"Hey! You don't need to give _me_ an excuse to get a weapon and go be alone with a cute girl" Link replied.

"Then why don't you HURRY UP!" Aryll barked, punting link off the tower towards Orca's house.

Link pulled himself from the sand and put another check next Aryll's name, then entered Orca's house.

"Hey Orca?" Link asked "Can you teach me to use a sword, please?" Link finished with a bow.

"Sure. Why not." Orca answered, tossing Link a sword.

AND THUS, THEY TRAINED. (A/N not going to write it out... to video game-ish)

"Alright Link, I think you're ready to take on your mission. Go forth with pride," Orca announced.

"YYYEEEAAAHH!" Link screamed, running straight up the mountain, falling off into the ocean, swimming around to the beach, running back up the mountain, across the rickety bridge, and then into the forest.

Link crept into the forest and walked up the path.

He hopped off a ledge, when he spotted a monster he knew as a bokoboblin. Luckily for him, it was unarmed. He charged it quickly with his sword drawn and for some reason it didn't notice him until he was about five feet in front of it. The creature charged back and Link hopped effortlessly over it, then spun around and dug his sword straight into the back of its skull. Blood squirted out at the spots where there were groves in the blade. He withdrew his sword and the monster fell to the ground lifeless then exploded into smoke.

Link stood for a moment taking everything he had just witnessed in. "Wow... I took a life... I could get used to this…" He chuckled evilly, looking at the dark red blood on his sword.

Link climbed up a rock and jumped into another grove. He noticed the girl hanging from a branch as he walked across the grove before a loud squawk was heard over head. Link spotted two birds that dropped two more bokoboblins, which Link was more than ready to kill. One barely touched down before Link's sword was sticking out of the back of its throat. Link withdrew the sword, but not quick enough as the other monster kicked him in the side, throwing him across the grove. Link got back to his feet and readied his sword. As the monster charged, Link unleashed a full spinning attack, ripping most of the beast's stomach out which threw the entrails in all directions. He wiped his sword off on his tunic sheathed it, and then continued towards the girl as the two monsters exploded into the purple smoke.

Link had only just reached the ledge when the tree's branch that held the girl snapped, and the girl plummeted quickly towards the ground. Link threw himself forward so that he could catch her.

"OOooowwww," Both Link and the girl exclaimed at the same time.

Link set the girl down and started explaining. "Okay I'm sorry about that, but you fell from the branch above us after a giant bird dropped you onto the forest summit of my island. I just fought my way up here to make sure you weren't a puddle after that fall." Link finished explaining to get a smile or a thank you.

.....

Not a fist to the face.

"Don't go making up stories of heroics, you freak! Did you have your bird kidnap me so you could flirt with me like this!?" The red-faced girl yelled.

Out of nowhere came some big ass pirate hollering, "MISS. MISS? MISS! Oh thank the goddesses your alright!" He exclaimed after spotting the two teenagers.

"AH Gonzo. You're just in time. Let's get back to the ship." The girl said sternly.

"Right," Gonzo (the big pirate) saluted.

Both pirates left the forest with link shortly behind.

As they came out, Aryll called to Link from across the bridge, "Hey Link! You saved the girl you said was cute!" She blurted loudly.

Link waved back and shouted sarcastically, "Thank you Aryll, for making this all the more awkward."

The girl looked back at Link. "Link. Your name's Link...? What's the girl mean cute? What's she talking about?" By that point, the girl was in Link's face, asking everything very seriously.

Thankfully for Link, her questioning was interrupted by a loud caw as the bird came back into view. Flying straight for the bridge, Link muttered, "saved by the bird... wait, bird... ARYLL GET DOWN!"

Link screamed the last part as his inner voice told him maybe it was that_brownie_he had earlier. But for a minute, he thought he could fly and chased after the bird... right off the cliff.

He fell for only a second before the girl pulled him back up yelling, "YOU IDIOT! ARE YOU FUCKING STONED? YOU CAN'T FLY RETARD!" She screamed. He sadly watched the giant bird dive down and grab Aryll. She screamed for help, but it was useless.

Link was so sad, he blacked out. Aryll was his little sister. He didn't know what he would do without her. After all... She owed him 15 rupees. The girl pulled him up and set him on the ground. When Link got to his feet, the girl started talking to him.

"Hey Link, did you just ask to come on our ship?" The girl asked.

Link wasn't sure if he did, but it sounded like a plan. "Yeah! I want to chase that mutha-fuckin' bird down, get my sister back and probably take a nap at some random point later." Link announced like a hero.

"AND WHY SHOULD I LET YOU COME?" The girl asked in a snobbish tone.

"Because I'm sexy," Link stated, striking a pose.

"I'll say…" The big pirate, Gonzo, said.

Link gulped, instinctively tightening his butt. Just then, the postman flew from above, landing inches away from the small group.

"You'll take him because he saved you from the monsters in the forest." He said, "It's ultimately your fault the bird even came here. And, ONE OF YOUR PIRATES SOLD ME SOME BAD CRACK!" The postman blurted out, suddenly wiping some white powder, what Link suspected to be crack, off his beak.

"Fair enough," the girl agreed nodding slowly, "But you'll need a shield."

Link immediately sped off to his house to get the family shield, but when he got up into the loft, it was gone. Link dropped back to the floor and asked his grandma, "Where's the shield, Grams?"

His grandma turned around, holding the shield. "Right here. I was just getting one of your birthday gifts out of it," she tossed it at him. "You're going to go save Aryll." Link nodded and she started shaking, like she was crying.

Link put a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her. "It's okay to cry grandma," he told her.

His grandma sniffed. "I'm just so glad you guys will be gone. I can FINALLY throw sexy parties again!" she shouted ripping her clothes off to reveal a leather bikini-like outfit while ten dozen or so similarly dressed old people came in. They all started raving like they were sixteen year olds, aside for the occasional "Ow my hip", it was a swinging party.

That Link couldn't wait to get out of.

As Link arrived back at the ship, the girl asked him, "Hey Link, that pulsating (party) house is yours?"

Link looked back and shrugged "Yeah."

"What's with the cloud of funny smelling smoke coming from it?" She asked.

A moment of clarity reached Link. "Oh... so that's what my birthday gifts were... damn…"

**

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AND CHAPTER ONE IS DONE. D-O-N-E. DONE.**

**MORE TO COME, I ****PROMISE**

**BUT PLEASE REVIEW**


	2. The Pirate Ship

**NEW CHAPTER MUWAHAHAAHA**

**This one will most likely be shorter than the last just because it's only the time Link spends on the boat.**

**SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I PRESENT THE NEW CHAPTER!**

**(Chapter two: The Pirate Ship)**

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Link stood waving to the crowd of his neighbors. "Bye," he yelled as the people wiped their eyes.

Once the ship was pretty much out of sight of Outset Island, the girl yelled at Link, "Will you sit down, you freaking moron! They can't see you waving anymore!"

Link blushed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah I guess you're right."

"So," the girl asked, "What's the deal with the fruity outfit?"

"IT'S NOT FRUITY!" Link roared. "Why is it that anytime someone wears an outfit that is just a little different than the _normal_styleagenda, it's fruity, gay, or just plain stupid?!" Link asked in a rant.

"Wow," the girl mumbled, "That was amazing..."

"Thanks," Link said, highly proud of himself.

"...ly gay," the girl finished, laughing at Link.

"Eh screw you..." He muttered.

"No seriously kid. That is so flaming, I don't understand how it can be green," the girl laughed.

"Alright. You think I'm gay, whatever, but don't call me kid. I'm probably older than you," Link grumbled.

The girl looked at him surprised. "H-how old are yo-ou?" She stuttered out.

Link beamed triumphantly, "Today is my fifteenth birthday."

.....

She couldn't stop giggling, which Link found incredibly irritating. "HAH!" She announced, elated. "I'm a little over 2 months older than you, so you are a KID to me!"

**(I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HER REAL BIRTHDAY IS, SO DON'T HOLD ME TO THAT.)**

"WHATEVER!" Link yelled.

"Well if you're going to be like that, you can go below deck, you bitchy little faggot," she sneered at him.

"Whoah... Mean much…" Link muttered.

He headed below deck and down the stairs to find an ugly ass, bucktooth pirate.

"Hey. Wazzup?" Link waved.

"Hey, my name's Niko. Nice outfit by the way..." The pirate complimented.

"Yeah thanks. My grandma made it for me…" Link mumbled out. It was the first time someone had complimented his tunic.

"Gonzo didn't already call dibs did he?" The bucktooth pirate asked.

Link could feel himself become rapidly pissed off, right up until he drop-kicked the pirate into a wall. Then he just felt happy.

"How about I just t-test you?" The pirate offered, cowering in the corner.

"Sure why not..." Link muttered as the pirate explained the test.

"... and then you end up at this door." The pirate finished explaining.

"... How the hell'd he get over there?" Link asked himself.

"Alright. Come on swabbie. Give it a go," the pirate gave an encouraging yelled.

"Here goes nothing…" Link muttered as he leapt to the first platform. After regaining his balance, he carefully jumped up to the rope lantern and using that, he swung to the second platform. The next rope took a little more concentration, but he grabbed it and made it to the third platform, swinging quickly to the fourth. After a little aiming, he swung to the fifth, almost missing, but grabbed the side of the platform just in time to pull himself up. With the final rope, he over-propelled himself on the rope and landed just in front of Niko, striking a triumphant pose "Ahaha! I did it," Link cheered.

"I'll be dammed. But you did… uh… your ass caught fire on the last lantern," the pirate pointed, and sure enough, the back of Links pants were indeed on fire.

"Whoah!" Link exclaimed, "My ass is on fire!" Link said, dumbstruck.

...

"MY ASS IS ON FIRE!!!!!!" Link shouted, running around the treasure room.

"Hold still swabbie!" Niko, yelled holding a bucket of water. He tossed all of the water at Link's face.

Link sat down in another bucket of water, finally putting the fire out.

"So, what do I get?" Link asked, still in the bucket.

"Umm…" The pirate mumbled, digging through a chest. "The best I can do is a dime bag or spoils bag. What will it be?"

Without even thinking about it, Link blurted out, "Dime bag." Link said. Niko handed Link a small paper bag that was rolled up. Link quickly opened to reveal a piece of paper with one word written on it.

Needless to say, Link was annoyed, but he managed to calm himself down and ask, "You know what? I'll take the spoils bag instead." The pirate handed him the odd looking bag just as a call was heard.

"HHHEEEYYY LINK! WE REACHED THE FORSAKEN FORTRESS." The girl called down.

So Link bid farewell to Niko and walked back to the deck.

As Link walked back onto the deck, the girl called from above. Link looked up to see she was in the crows nest. "Yo Link. Come up here."

Link climbed up the rope ladder into the crows nest were the girl sat. He leaned against the railing to get more comfortable before the girl started talking. "Hey Link. Come check this out. This is Forsaken Fortress," she said, gesturing to a large rock castle. "It used to be a daycare center and then it was a strip club. And THEN it was a daycare, run by strippers, then it was a fort for some enemy pirates of ours. Now it's something much more sinister."

"A Starbucks?" Link asked.

The girl shivered. "Maybe, but I don't want to assume the worst just yet... Now the only problem's getting you over there…" Then she gave Link a wink that made his entire body shiver.

The next thing Link knew, he was in a barrel sitting on a catapult. "How'd I get in here?" Link asked, confused as Hell.

"I told you. I hide a blunt at the bottom of the barrel," the girl told him smugly.

"Why do I always fall for that…?" Link asked himself.

"OKAY. 3! 2! 1! FIRE!" The girl yelled excitedly.

Then, Link was airborne. He was about to scream when he broke out into song; " I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the..." he and his barrel smashed into the wall. "_Wall..._ woah." Link then plummeted into the water below and he swam over to a landing. He then pulled himself up.

"AHAHAHAHAH! YOU WENT SPLAT!" The girl's voice was coming from his pants, and he pulled a strange glowing stone out. "That was funny. Right against the wall. Nice."

"How'd you get this stone on me?" Link asked.

"Oh I just put it into your pocket." The girl responded.

Links expression froze. "But I... I... I don't have any pockets."

The stone was silent for a minute before an ear splitting screech came from the stone. "_**EEEEEEEEEWWWWWW! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EWEY EWWEY EWW EW! YOU MEAN THAT WAS YOUR... EEEWWWW!"**_

Link let the ringing in his ears die before just plainly asking, "What's your name?"

The girl's voice came back. It seemed confused, but she answered, "Um my name's Tetra."

"Tetra, huh? Kind of nice name. Okay." Link asked, "How do you spell it?"

Tetra, enjoying the compliment well enough, told him. "It's spelt T, e, t, r, a. But, uh, why do you need to know how to spell it?" She questioned.

"Oh no reason." Link answered, pulling his little notebook out and writing the name Tetra down. He put two, clean checks next to it.

* * *

**OK CHAPTER'S DONE, HOORAH! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE GOOD, BUT IT MIGHT TAKE A LITTLE WHILE TO GET IT WRITTEN SO...**

**PLEASE REVIEW! IT MOTIVATES ME TO WRITE FASTER.**


	3. The Forsaken Fortress

**ALRIGHT, NEW CHAPTER TIME.**

**YOU'RE ALL SO HAPPY FOR A NEW CHAPTER I KNOW YOU ARE... I know it.**

**READ AND REVIEW**

**(Chapter Three: The Forsaken Fortress)

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**

Link walked up the ramp near the dock he had been resting on and immediately noticed the spotlights scanning the area. His immediate impulse was to sprint into a light and begin a disco dance.

But he was stopped by a screech from his stone. "MORON! STAY OUT OF THE LIGHT! YOU'LL GET THROWN IN JAIL!" So instead of 'discoing' like he wanted to, Link ran up the ramp.

Link wandered around aimlessly 'till he came to a ladder. Tetra started talking to him again. "Hey Link. Go up there. The spotlight's being run from there by a monster. Go fuck that thing up!" Tetra cheered.

Link started getting hyped up. "Right..." he murmured grabbing his sword.

Or he would've liked to but…

"What the fuck?" He asked/yelled to no one in particular. He was starting to get worried before checking, and now he was officially scared. "TETRA! I lost my sword!" Link screamed into the stone.

It was a little while before Tetra's reply came. "Nu-uh," she finally murmured before laughing out, "You can't possibly be that freaking stupid wait. Wait... Is it… in your butt?" She asked, her voice full of enthusiasm.

Link checked the back of his pants before he caught the joke. "WHY WOULD IT BE IN MY ASS?!" He huffed.

"Well I mean the outfit… I just thought…" She trailed off into a fit of giggles.

"It's not gay you cross-dressing lesbo!" Link clasped his hand over his mouth, realizing he'd just insulted the spitfire captain of a crew of_flaming_pirates.

"**WHY YOU LITTLE SON OF A BIT...**" Link then clasped his hands over his stone to silence the captain's fury.

He decided to take her advice and climbed up to the spotlight. He immediately spotted the bokoboblin working it.

As Link drew closer to the monster, it stopped operating the searchlight and ran after him.

As the bokoboblin readied to smash Link's skull in with it's club, Link instinctively brought his shield up to block the stick, only for him to feel it be reflected. He peeked around his shield to see the stick fly to the other end of the battle field. The monster was stunned at the loss of his weapon, so Link took advantage of it's confusion and did the first thing he could think of... He bashed the monster in the face with his shield and ran for the stick. He snatched it up and swung around to crack the monster in the side of its head, sending it sprawling to the ground. Link reared back the club and beat the bokoboblin, like a woman from Alabama, 'till it exploded into that purple fog. "Yess. I'm so awesome." He walked over to the ladder and realized he couldn't take the club with him, so he carelessly threw it behind him and started down the ladder. All of a sudden, he heard an explosion and realized he'd impaled another bokoboblin in the head, deactivating another spotlight.

"Whoah... Link that was intense…" Tetra murmured through the stone in a small voice.

"Yeah, I love fighting. It's awesome." Link said into the stone proudly.

"Well I'm not going to screw with you again that's for sure," Tetra answered, still with the nervousness in her voice.

"Hey relax Tetra, it's cool. No human has to worry about me killing them until I run out of monsters... Maybe." Link said slyly into the stone.

"Yeah, like you could take me._Please._Gawd..." she snorted arrogantly before ordering Link. "... Now get back to work. You took out the two spotlights, but the third one's really out of the way. It's on the floor and you're going to the tower, so just continue through the fortress."

"Alright. Thanks Tetra," Link answered before tucking the stone into his shirt and running through a door. He had to stop on a dime to keep himself from running off a ledge.

"Ah, what the Hell! A gap in the path... WHO THE HELL BUILDS A FORT LIKE THAT?" Link criticized the fort's piss poor architecture. **(I always have had a personal problem with that... not sure why.)**

Then Link noticed the rope lantern in the middle of the gap. He swung on it like in the test he took with Niko. He silently thanked Niko for making him do that. After he landed, he made sure to check to see if his ass was on fire.

Link continued through a few more rooms like that until he came to a large room with two large armed moblins patrolling around.

"Link. Use that barrel to sneak past those walking bags of bacon," Tetra chimed in.

He turned to see a few barrels. He grabbed one and hid in it, inching his way to the other side. He had to hold his breath as he came close to the moblins, because they smelt so bad, then ran through a nearby door.

He found himself outside, higher on the fort and near another moblin patrol point. Luckily, he found another barrel. Using it to slip past the guard onto a long winding slope, he climbed to find a small ledge that he sidled across and rounded a corner to sidle another ledge and walked up a staircase to find... his sword.

"My sword!" link cheered out until he realized his cheer had alerted an armed bokoboblin from its nap.

As it charged, Link rolled off of its path and snatched up his sword. He jumped into a defensive position as the bokoboblin jumped at Link. The boy parried the attack and dug his sword into the back of the beast's neck. Blood squirted out onto his shirt and it exploded, as always, into dark smoke.

He opened the door and looked at the cell before him and saw an astounding sight. His sister and her cell mates were sitting around a table in a cramped dank and dirty cell... Eating hot fudge sundaes. "What in the Hell…?" Link muttered under his breath.

"Big brother! Thank God you're here! They don't give us any whipped cream for our sundaes! It's terrible!" Aryll cried. "Oh and look out. The big bird's about to snatch you up." She finished dryly.

"Huh?" Link murmured when all of a sudden the bird snatched him up and carried him out of the cell room.

"BBBBIIIIIGGG BBRRROOTTHHEERR! If you don't die, bring us some whipped cream!" Aryll cried.

The bird flew towards a boat like structure at the top of the tower. Link looked up to see a big fat ugly man tilt his head to the side.

And for the umpteenth time that day…

Link was sent airborne.

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**AND DONE ... OH MAN THAT CHAPTER WAS ANNOYING TO WRITE FORSAKEN FORTRESS IS ALWAYS BORING.**

**SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE BUT PLEASE**

**REVIEW.**


	4. Windfall Island

**ALRIGHT I JUST FINISHED MY OTHER STORY SO I'M GOING TO SPEND A BIT MORE TIME WORKING ON THIS ONE.**

**READ AND REVIEW.**

**(Chapter Four: Windfall Island)

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**

"Link Link... Link Link. Wake up, Link," A man's voice echoed gently.

Link opened his eyes momentarily only to close again, allowing his mind to slip back into darkness.

"LINK GET UP!" The voice said more forcefully this time, but still not really rousing Link from his slumber.

Link just waved his hand at the direction of the voice and mumbled something along the lines of 'not wanting to go to school' thus, enraging the voice.

"LINK YOU FUGGIN BASTARD! WAKE THE HELL UP RIGHT NOW." The voice screamed at the sleeping youth, who promptly jumped upright in what he realized all too late was a boat... that he fell out of.

"Oww... oh what the Hell," Link grumbled, pulling himself out of the water in the cave-like cove thing, and leaned against the oddly bright red boat. He rubbed his throbbing temples.

"Finally you're up... Lazy ass…" The voice grumbled.

"Eh shut up," Link moaned before inquiring, "Wait, who are you? Where are you?" Link asked, looking around.

"I'm right here, moron." The voice stated as the figure head of the boat turned.

Link's expression froze in horror and confusion. "... T-the... b-b-boat is talking…"

"Congrats numb nuts. Now sit down. I need to tell you something," The talking boat chided as Link sat down in the boat. "Now I'm sure as you were thrown from Forsaken Fortress, you noticed the shadow that commands the monstrous bird, correct?" Link thought for a minute.

"Oh, you mean the fat guy wearing the dress," The boat visibly 'sweat dropped'

"... Yes, the fat guy wearing the dress... But don't judge him by appearance. The man's name is Ganon... And he once conquered all of Hyrule and has retuned to rule again..." The boat paused to gauge Link's reaction.

"Wow... Sounds like a real bitch boy."

The boat burst out laughing. "AHAHAHahhahah aye lad aye, he is... hehehee. I think I'm going to like you... Now you want to save your sister right?" The boat questioned. Link nodded "Alright then. We need to set sail!" The boat finished enthusiastically and link jumped up ready to sail.

...

"We are not moving." Link announced, still sounding excited.

"... Yes well you see... this is rather embarrassing for me," The boat mumbled. "While I'm the only boat on the sea who can talk..."

"_A lot,_" Link interjected playfully.

"Shut up," the boat grumbled "I have no sail..."

"Oh man... you suck," Link moaned.

"Oh quit your whining and go get us a sail!" The boat yelled at Link.

"Oh I'd love to, but in case you hadn't noticed, we're in a cave, Boat," Link stated, slowly waving his hands dramatically.

"Yes Link, we are in a cave. At the base of a merchant island known as Windfall… asshole." He sighed. "AND MY NAME IS NOT BOAT! My name is 'The King of Red Lions'" The KORL finished. **(YES I WILL MOSTLY REFER TO HIM AS "KORL" FOR SHORT)**

Link grumbled in annoyance as he climbed out of the boat and waded out of the cave onto the sandy beach of windfall. He trudged his way up to the small grassy field. "Let's see… where can I buy a sail," He pondered aloud as he approached the gate.

But as he passed the tree, a wrinkly old man started running at him. He chased him down a street and Link ran away screaming, "AHHH RAPE! RAPE! AHHHH!" Until the old man spontaneously combusted and ran in circles and died. Unfortunately, his life was restored. **(AS GOD JUST CAN'T LET ME BE HAPPY AND MAKE THAT OLD FUCKER WHO CHASES ME AROUND WINDFALL DIE)**

Link wandered up the streets for a while, looking for a supplies shop, until he noticed a freaking Eskimo manning a stand. Link approached cautiously, mumbling to himself. "Hehe survey says weirdest looking character in town is the best shot for special items…"

As soon as Link reached the stand, he was greeted by a veerrryy chipper shop keeper. **(HEHE I RHYMED.)**

"Welcome welcome. I'm afraid my store isn't open yet. On my way to this island, a storm destroyed my ship and my merchandise, all except for this jacket I wear and_it."_The shopkeeper explained. Before Link had a chance to think, the Eskimo continued his tale. "What is_it_you ask? Well,_it,_is an item passed down through my family for many, many generations._It_is very special to me, but I would trade _it_for some funding on my store. How about eighty rupees, my friend?"

Link was astounded. He had no idea human beings could say sooo much, sooo fast, and it all be soooo boring. "Uhhh sure. Why not." Link mumbled, morbidly confused as he forked over eighty rupees.

"Ah, excellent my friend. Here you go. It is a most excellent sail. May it do you well," the Eskimo chattered happily, handing Link his new purchase.

"Oh cool I needed a sail! This is great-... Wait a minute... hey Eskimo, weird dude, umm…" Link started excitedly but ended in a suspicious tone.

"Uhhhmm what is it my young friend" the Eskimos voice was shaky but his face remained happy and carefree.

Link squinted his eyes in suspicion. "If you were in a horrible boat wreck during a storm... How did the sail of all things survive?"

"..."

The shop keeper said nothing, then in a flash, he disappeared.

"Meh whatever. Now I got a sail." Link laughed and started looking around for more equipment he could buy. After a short search, he found a Beedle shop ship. Not exactly liking Beedle, Link decided to buy his stuff and get out.

As always, Beedle was_disturbingly_shirtless and only really wearing a diaper. His shop only sold three things at all times. "AAHHHH welcome my friend! What would you like to buy today? I have an excellent deal for you. This bait bag for the low, low price of twenty rupees. What do you say, my friend?"

The youth shrugged and grumbled, "Why not," and slapped enough money on the counter for the bag and plenty of bait and left quickly. He really did not to want to deal with Beedle much longer and headed back to were the KORL was stashed.

But as he walked past the town, a building caught his eye. A plain, red, brick building which stuck out like a sore thumb.

Strangely enough, when Link entered it, it resembled... a prison. A small man wearing a green spandex suit and makeup and a red Speedo occupied the single cell in the room. If the man had been wearing anything else, Link wouldn't know as his eyes had melted out of their sockets in horror.

And as Link thrashed around, attempting to rid himself of his eyes, he smashed right through a pot and onto a switch which unfortunately... opened the cell door.

As the burning in Link's eyes ebbed, he stood up and the first thing he saw was the little man standing WAY to close to him. "AAAAAHHH... don't rape me," Link pleaded, cowering into the corner.

"Uhh dude I would never rape you... I mean look at me. I like ladies and with my sexy outfit. It's obvious..." The man struck a pose. "... The ladies are all over me too... but where are my manners. My name is Tingle and I thank you for freeing me._Tingle tingle kooloo limpah become two items!" _Tingle rehearsed some weird magic spell as two items popped into his hands. He handed one to Link.

"This is a special map I made myself. As you see, I'm quite gifted with charts and maps of all kinds. This one can guide you to my island and some fairy fountains." Tingle explained.

"And this…" Tingle started as he handed over a strange green box like object, "Is the one and only Tingle Tuner. With it, you can call on my help whenever you need it." Tingle started to leave the room. "If you ever need my help... don't forget." And then he was gone.

Link stood in silence for a moment, but after a while, began exploring the cell. He silently thought to himself, 'not a bad guy. Kind of weird, but not a bad guy'. Link pushed a block aside and discovered a small tunnel. He crawled into it traversing, the tunnels slowly, careful not to get near the rats 'till he came out in a small room with a chest.

"WOW... hehe. I must be pretty good at this adventuring crap, on my quest for twenty minutes and I already found my first treasure chest!" Link gloated and did a little dance before advancing and prying open the chest.

"Damn... it would have been nice to get a weapon to start off my quest but this..." Link whined holding up his new item. "A camera. What the Hell am I supposed to do with this? Defeat Ganon by starting a porn magazine or something?" Link took a moment, wondering if that would work. "No, probably not. I don't think a dark wizard would let his arm fall off... Oh well. Time to go." Link shrugged as he set crawling through the hole, still fiddling with his new camera when he turned and heard a squeak.

Link looked up to see a big rat holding a string. "Oh god dammit." Link exclaimed. The rat pulled the string and the floor gave out from under Link. He fell, bumping a few rocks and landed in rather shallow water he sat up and looked around, noticing he was next to the KORL, who was staring at Link with an expression that spelled out, 'what the hell'.

Our favorite young hero just stood up and rubbed the back of his head, sheepishly grinning as he said, "Hehehe I guess I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque"

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**WOW... THAT CHAPTER BORED THE HELL OUT OF ME IT SUUUCCCKKKEEEDDD TO WRITE.**

**SO JUST THIS TIME PLEASE****DON'T****REVIEW.**


	5. Dragon roost

**New chapter... Yes it has been awhile and I promise I will make more chapters soon, as this seems to be my most well-liked story.**

**(Chapter 5: Dragoon Roost Island)

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**

"Haha! Sailing is awesome!" Link hollered over the spray of the ocean as he and The King shot over the water towards the looming mountain island.

"AHAHA good on you, lad. I knew you would like it," The King laughed heartily.

The small red craft moved precisely as Link wanted it to and he loved it. He swerved the rudder ever so slightly to dodge a crate in the water. Hell, he could even make The King jump. He laughed excitedly as he pulled the rudder and sent his ship into the air for a short time to quickly drop back down...

Onto an explosive crate.

**BOOM!!!**

Link was sent flying out of The King and skidded against the surf until he slowly sank under, not to resurface for two and a half minutes, battered and bruised. Link swam back to The KORL nervously, quite ashamed of his idiocy.

The King chuckled a little, but was silenced by an annoyed growl from Link as he wrung out his soaking hat.

Link lowered the sail and the two cruised into the Dragon Roost bay. Link hopped out almost immediately to get onto land. He laid flat on his belly on the warm sand to kiss and hug the beach.

"AHHH LAND! I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN!"

"Yes you will, lad."

"DAMN IT!"

"Come 'ere lad and take this," The King had a weird, white stick in his mouth. "Now this is a Wind Waker. You may be able to control the winds with it."

Link took the baton and followed The King's instructions on how to conduct with it.

"Good. Not bad for a first time using it... Now you're going to want to head up the path to the left." Link beamed at the compliment and headed up the path to the Rito village. Then, something occurred to him.

_So now I wear a__bright, forest green__tunic, drive a__bright red__boat and wave a__small, white__baton..._ Link sighed_. Maybe I am gay..._ Link thought for a moment before realizing. _Nah... Now that I consider it; If Iweregay, then I would probably have the fashion sense to match._

It did not take Link long to realize he would have to destroy the rocks on the path to continue. "Hmmm."

Link noticed some small rocks to his right. He tossed one at the bigger rock, but it just shattered. He spotted a slightly larger, bluish rock off to his left and picked that up. He tossed it at the big boulder, but it just bounced off and exploded in Link's face. He flew back into a wall.

As soon as Link recovered, he looked up and saw the explosion had been large enough and the rock had been destroyed. "Sweet."

Link jogged up the path and noticed another rock, but there were more bomb flowers. After two painfully failed attempts, the next three rocks were destroyed and Link found himself standing on a cliff, sidling slowly to the other side.

Link dropped down once he reached the end. "Oh yeah! I'm a ninja." There was one more rock with two boxes on top. Link tossed a bomb and blew up the rock, dropping the boxes down. He had made an easier way to get up to this point. He continued his way up the cliff and noticed someone he'd seen before. "Quill!" Link shouted happily, running up to his old, feathered, crack-head friend.

Quill just shook his head in disbelief. "GOD... IS THAT YOU GOD...? I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS SIXTEEN." Quill then turned around to see Link standing with a slightly bewildered look on his face. "Oy, hey Link," Quill said, wiping at his beak/nose.

Link just shook his head. "Hey Quill, what's up?"

Quill shook his head, "All is not well here on Dragon Roost. The price of crack has more than doubled, The Great Valoo has been quite disturbed, and I lost my car keys."

"What's a car?" Link inquired.

"I don't know, but I can't find the keys for it."

"Oh well maybe I can help you guys," Link thought out loud.

"Maybe... Hey, by the way, do you want to buy a toaster?" Quill asked swiftly.

"Uh no... what's a toaster?"

"Uh I don't know. How about I just go let everyone know you're here?"

Before Link could even respond, Quill flew off to the cave on the edge of the cliff. Link assumed it was the village and climbed up the cliff and odd dock thing to the cave entrance.

Inside the village, there were a large number of crates and mail packages, as well as other deliverable goods. In the center of the village, there were a handful of full grown Ritos, one hovering above, conversing with the others. As Link approached, the hovering one flew off and the head Rito greeted him.

"You must be Link. Quill has told us much of your plight and we will gladly help any way we can. At the moment, as you can see, we are a little preoccupied. You may have noticed the thrashing wild dragon atop the mountain. Well our Lord Valoo... HEY, ARE YOU LISENING TO ME!?"

"I'm sorry. I was distracted by something shiny." Link muttered, not noticing the chieftain was there.

Quill cut in. "Uhm, sir, if I may. As you may have noticed, Link is brave enough to do some extremely stupid shit... "

"I am," Link admitted quickly.

The small group of Ritos nodded and Quill continued. "And it wouldn't hurt him to meet with that pussbag you call a son."

The chieftain thought aloud, "... That may be true... I'm sorry Link, but could you meet with my son? He is a real pussy and could use some toughening up. So maybe if you could meet with him, it would help. I think he may be gay. And it's all my fault. I should have gotten him a hotter nanny." The chieftain broke down into tears and was escorted away, leaving Link and Quill alone again.

Link then remembered something he had been wondering. "Hey Quill? Who was the sixteen year-old girl you told God about?"

Quill sweat-dropped and distracted Link, getting away quickly. "Uhhh... here Link. Have a toaster, bye."

Link sweat-dropped too as the crack-head bird flew off, then looked at the item in his hands. He called after Quill, "HEY QUILL... THIS IS A DELIVERY BAG, NOT A TOASTER... man... I can't make toast in this... or can I?"

Link wandered around the village until he came to a small, oddly decorated room upstairs with a young Rito girl. "Oh wow. Incredibly gay green clothes. You're just like the chieftain's letter described." The young Rito exclaimed happily.

Link facepalmed, stunned by the bluntness. "... What kind of person are you, which something like that is the first thing you say to someone when you meet them? To call them gay? In an orgasmic squeak of a voice no less."

"Oh... sorry. Just excited I get to do my job is all." The girl admitted apologetically.

Ignoring the comment, Link pressed on. "It's okay... What job though?"

"Oh, well, my name's Medli and I was entrusted to give you a letter to give to the chief's son." Medli explained it all happily, as Link just smiled and nodded, only barely listening to her.

"Wait a minute..." Link interjected, "Why didn't you just deliver the letter yourself... Or better yet, why didn't the chief deliver the letter... Then again why write a letter in the first place? Why not just have a heart to heart with his son!"

"Uhhh..." Medli thought for a moment. "Well, just take the letter to the prince, okay? You can put it in the nice delivery bag you have."

Link accepted the letter and held it for a moment. "Dammit... I can't put this in a delivery bag and get toast... or can I…?"

"What?"

"Nothing... never mind."

"Oh well after you deliver the letter to Prince Komali, will you meet me out at the shrine? I need you to help me with something, please." Medli asked.

"Oh well... gee Medli, you're a really cute girl and all, but... you are a Rito, and I just don't go for the whole cross species thing. So I'm sorry but... no." Link explained slowly, attempting to spare her feelings.

"... Not like that Link. Just... I need your help, okay?" Medli retorted.

"OH! Okay sorry. Wow what a misunderstanding there, hehe but yeah. I can help you out." Link said with a smile.

"Thank you," Medli bowed and left.

"Ok well let's go find the little douche bag. I mean prince..." Link followed Medli's instructions to Komali's room that the author of this story was to lazy to type.

Link kicked the door off the hinges and it shattered on the other wall. He rolled in like a ninja. "I PITY DA FOOL." He exclaimed.

The little Rito boy on the bed was spooning a giant orange ball. Link figured the boy was Komali. He looked completely terrified.

Link opened the delivery bag and the letter shot out like it was in The Matrix. It flew into Komali's hands, significantly browner and crispier then when Link had received it. **(A/N Like it was in a toaster maybe? X3)**

Komali read the letter, then buttered it and ate it. "Oh sure. It's easy for him to tell me to be brave and straight, but I'm here, I'm queer. He just needs to get used to it."

Link shrugged and moonwalked out of the room, heading for the shrine. "Never mind douche bag. I do mean douche bag by the way."

Upon reaching the shrine, Link noticed Medli down below. He did a ninja jump down to where she stood. He only landed on his face because he meant to...

"You okay?" Medli sweat-dropped.

"NO!" Link struck a heroic pose.

"Okay, well anyway. Link, you obviously don't understand the complete situation with Lord Valoo-, "Medli stated.

"Nor do I care," Link interrupted, then nodded.

"Okay then... well then all I need to do is get onto that ledge over there." Medli told him while pointing to a ledge.

"I do not think you are tall enough." He stated blatantly.

Medli facepalmed. "That's why you are going to help me."

"I do not think I am tall enough either."

"Are you high?"

"No, but hey, you want some toast?" Link asked, holding up his delivery bag.

"AHHH GODDESS! DAMN YOU LINK, JUST THROW ME ONTO THE LEDGE!" Medli screamed at him, completely losing patience.

"OKAY... gawd."

Link let Medli sit down and he picked her up. He aimed and… threw her into a wall.

"OW... Link, I said throw me to the cliff not into it..."

"The wind changed. You should have landed right on it."

"You weren't even facing the cliff!" Medli shouted over the roar of the changing winds.

"Okay okay." Link picked her up again, this time throwing her with the winds at the cliff. She just barely made it up and over. "Oh yeah. Who da man? I AM THE RITO THROWING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!" Link shouted triumphantly as "We are the Champions" by Queen played in the background.

"Actually Link, Chuck Norris is the Rito throwing champion of the world... But you're a close second." Medli cut in, stopping the song.

Link teared up happily. "Aw wow Medli. I'm close to Chuck Norris in your eyes... that means a lot. Really it does."

Medli stifled a laugh. She let out a snicker instead. "Actually Link, when I said close second..." She interrupted herself with a giggle. "I meant close to third... but hero-boy, if it's any compensation, you can have this nice little bottle." Medli threw him a small, glass bottle. "Okay, well I'm going to go through a monster-infested cavern, expecting to get through untouched and talk with our incredibly pissed off dragon god."

Link took his bottle and muttered under his breath, "I hope he eats your ass, you fuckin' big chicken bitch."

Medli left for the cavern and Link looked around noticing the small puddle of water by a giant rock. "Hey look. It's water." Link scooped some up in his bottle and drank happily. He drank a few bottles of water, and then grabbed some more to save for later. He climbed up the broken bridge which had formed a ladder on the side of the cliff.

Link walked back to the village, writing Medli's name on his "To Kill List". Along the way to the village, as he was slipping the list into his pocket, Link tripped on a rock on the ground. "Ow... bitch... Wait, that's not a rock. It looks like a dried up plant... a bomb plant..." Link sat in the small dried up bomb garden, thinking to himself, "... Can a bomb dry up?" He pulled out his bottle and watered the plant. It sprung back to life. Link sat on the railing overlooking the large rock that plugged the spring.

Just on a hunch, Link pulled a plant bomb from its roots. He timed carefully to throw the bomb down on the rock, just as it exploded, causing the spring to return to life. Water shot out of the hole, filling the spring once more. The water slowed to a stop just as it made a new ladder on the other side of the spring. Link smashed his fists on the railing in disappointment. "DAMN! I wanted it to flood the island…"

Link then realized he could get to the cavern. "... Well, at least now I can watch Medli get eaten." With that, he dropped into the cool spring and swam to the other side. He climbed up the other half of the broken bridge/ladder and headed up the path.

"Well this could be problematic..." Link muttered a few curses. Right in front of him was a very large moat of lava with strange pots on the sides and a few bomb flowers next to him. "Looks like I have no choice..." Link pulled a small bottle of green water out and drank half of it. Then, Link quickly lunged forward, pulling up a bomb flower. He jumped back slightly as it fell into the first pot. As the pot exploded, the slab fell down, allowing Link to advance slightly. Pulling up a second bomb, Link dribbled this one back and forth in front of him before faking left and hopping onto the stone. He shot the second bomb towards it and it spun around slowly before falling in. It exploded, giving Link full access into the cavern.

Link was sweating green. He held the bottle of green water up to the camera.

"Gatorade. Is it in you?"

Link jumped across the stones and walked into the Dragon Roost cavern. "This should be fun…" Link murmured as he felt his sword bouncing against his back in its sheath.

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**Yay, the chapter's done... Been awhile, but I will post again soon... probably.**

**Oh, by the way, I do not own Zelda, Gatorade, MR. T, toasters, Michael Jackson, or anything else I may have totally ripped of in this chapter.**


	6. Dragoon roost cavern

**Ok my first dungeon chapter... YAY. While I love writing comical stuff, I get a head rush of writing battles, so a dungeon will probably be my favorite thing to write for this story.**

_**Read and review.**_

_**(Chapter 6: Dragoon Roost Cavern)

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**_

Considering it was an active volcano, Link was pleasantly surprised by the cool atmosphere of the entrance. "Hm, not bad. I would have assumed worse." Link looked around; finding no sign that Medli or anyone had come through the area in some time.

"Well this is weird... Empty room with weird blocks" When Link got closer he noticed there was a track to let you pull the blocks on "... oh damn it... No one told me I would have to think in these places." Link pulled one block forward and the other to the side. It revealed a small hole and he walked through.

In the next room, it was very dark except for three torches, one in the back of the room not moving at all, and the other two were in the middle of the room, swaying slightly as their holders were slightly restless.

Link hadn't killed in a while, so he decided to lunge in. He punched the first bokoboblin in the face, knocking it back a few feet into a wall. The second raised its fiery, hard, hot wooden stick to swing and Link raised a shield knocked it away. He then slammed his sword into the creature's torso and slashed it up. Before the creature could bleed, it blew up in smoke. The other charged back at Link, swinging his now UN-lit torch at him like a sword. The creature's stick and Link's sword clashed against each other, and then Link performed a spin slash, embedding his sword in the side of the creature's skull.

With the two monsters dead, Link grabbed a torch to light the room and find his way out. He walked with the torch and lit the other standing torches in the room and brought his attention to the door. He started fiddling with the lock. Link quit with the lock, turning around to check the room. He noticed a chest. "Where'd this come from?" He opened it slowly and took out a key that seemed to match the lock on the door. "WOOT! A key!" Link cheered, using the key on the lock.

The next room was an ominous red hallway, with skulls littering the floor. With a heavy heart and sigh, Link continued forward and smashed through the wooden wall ahead, knowing without a doubt what was next. In the next room, which was obviously the main cavern, was a large lava pit at the bottom with many fiery jets shooting upward.

"So much for an inactive volcano... Once again, this outfit is unnecessarily warm." Link groaned and walked down the half wooden pathway. To the left, stopping at a small gap between wooden ledges, Link attempted to jump across, but landed on the island in between. He noticed he had landed next to a box on a track and pulled from the wall so he could jump up.

On the ledge, Link stopped dead in his tracks at the end of a swinging rope bridge. "FUCK THIS I'M GOING HOME!" Link shouted in a fed-up tone.

King's voice shouted from the stone, "Get moving, you little prick!"

"OKAY OKAY GAWD!" Link begrudge began sprinting across the bridge, stopping in the middle when a fire jet just barely missed the rope bridge. "What are the odds? No fire jet hit the bridge?" Link asked God, who didn't like his tone and sent a bunch of bats to attack him.

"Dick dick dick dick dickdickdickdick." Link cursed, repeatedly quicker each time as he ran, covering his head from the bat's attacks.

When he was safety on the other side he quickly dispatched them with a spin attack.

"Well... this sucks..." Link grumbled to himself as he gazed upon the un-crossable lava pit in the middle of the room. Link was drawn to the pot with water drawn on the side and stabbed it. "HAHA! Take that Aquafina... bastards." Link let his rage out on the water pots because water bottles are always so expensive at 7-11. When his fury caused him to throw a pot at the lava and it turned into a platform, he was excited. "OH MY GOD... I'm magic." Link leapt from ledge to rock raft thing to ledge safely, and approached the ladder. He started climbing but some big red Jell-o creature attacked him, knocking him from the ladder.

"OOWWW you little prick." Link stabbed at the Chu-chu but it just swung back and smacked him in the face. "Ow, dick. You're the load your mom should have swallowed," and Link then kicked the crying Chu-chu into the lava.

Link climbed the ladder and in the next room it was much darker due to the lack of lava. The room was also filled with boarded up walls. Link approached a boarded wall, and a bokoboblin leapt headfirst through it, and raised its sword dazedly at Link.

"Ow dude that must have hurt. You want some Tylenol before we fight man?" Link asked, oddly concerned for the monster's well being.

Thinking nothing wrong of it, the bokoboblin accepted the pills.

The two sat for a moment until the monster's mouth started foaming and it rolled on the floor screaming, puking up its innards until it died.

"Hehe... cyanide, bitch." Link murmured evilly as the monster s'ploded.

Link looked down at the monster's large machete. "Hmm... this is a lot better than my little wimpy sword…" He picked it up. Looking at the other wooded wall, he smashed through it easily. He then smashed through one on a ledge near by to get a key. "Yes, I'm keeping this." He walked to the other side of the room and dispatched two Chu-chus at the same time, with one swipe. "God this is the best sword ever," Link happily walked through the door, but as he did, some evil god made him leave the sword behind.

"NOOOOOO... My precious, precious... precious sword," Link groaned while he lay on the ground. After lying on the ground for a few hours, Link finally got up and threw a rock at the bombs on the wall, causing a chain reaction, allowing him to return to the original entry path of the dungeon. "Meh, whatever." Walking along the way to the locked door. Link opened the door uninterestedly and walked in with a sad sigh.

In the next room were a lot of Chu-chus. Link mercilessly stabbed each one in the face. A bokoboblin smashed through a wall to the left and launched himself at Link. Our hero simply grabbed the bokoboblin's arm and collar and rolled onto his back. He launched the monster into the torch behind him. Link picked up the burning corpse and threw it at the boarded wall. The board burned away, revealing a switch which Link stomped on. Then the door opened and Link walked out into the sun.

Outside in the sun, Link stopped feeling so angry about his long lost love, (the machete) and walked happily over the swinging rope bridge. He hugged the bokoboblin that was across it, who in its shock and fear drove itself off of the cliff. Link shrugged and climbed up the ladder next to him, waiting for the torrent of fire to dissipate and continued. Once up on the ledge Link sidled by a lava spiting wall. Walking around a rock and climbing onto the other cliff so he could throw bombs down on the rock and entered the door.

In the next room Link found a tower of blocks and pulled some out so he could climb through the hole at the top of the room.

The next room was small and crawling with rats and his stone buzzed immediately. "Lad, I'm sure you have noticed plenty of filthy, thieving rats around, but don't worry. Share some bait with them and you will get to share in there stock." Link took the advice and spread some bait near the rat's hole.

A rat soon came out and asked "what can I get you?"

Link slipped the rat 10 bucks. The purple creature scampered into its hole and came out with a small bag. Link then tucked away a bag of 'oregano' let's just say...

Link laughed and pulled out a block. He climbed up and pulled a stick from a large pot and lit it on a torch. He tossed it at a boarded up wall, burning it. Link climbed over and retrieved another key. He used his newfound key to unlock the chest on the other side of the room.

Once again, Link was out on the side of the mountain once he exited the room. He jumped the gaps in the stairs to his right and attacked the kargorack in its nest, wanting to eat its babies. He was sorely disappointed when he observed that there were no eggs, only a key.

The next room was near pitch black, so Link felt his way to a stick and got a lantern after catching the stick on fire. He made his way into the darkroom and killed the half-dozen bats that flew at him. After lighting the torch, Link burned a wall, climbed some stairs and lit a few torches up stairs.

The next room was just a few fire jets shooting way too close to a rope bridge, which Link could not have run through faster.

This room gave Link a strange vibe and he heard snickering from a vase. He smashed it to find a Bokoboblin. Once Link killed it, he heard more snickering from yet another vase. That too was smashed, and its occupant slaughtered. One last Bokobolin/Jar was hard to find hidden among the others, but Link managed to get them all destroying, the monster's hope for a sneak attack with a spin move. Link climbed a ladder and ran into the newly opened door.

This new lava filled room had a small island in the middle of the magma, with a lava, centipede-thing crawling in the center. Link used a water pot and smashed it over the island by throwing it. Then, in a stroke of genius, he grabbed the water pot and made a small platform on top of where the fire jet would soon shoot out of. Then, just as the fire shot upwards, Link rode the blast to the ledge in a strangely perfect way...

Link walked into the new room, which was very open and had many large rocks. Link bombed them all easily with the bomb flowers.

Link walked out on the ledge and started climbing steps outside. No sooner had he made his way up fifteen steps that the gray steps started falling. In order not to become a pancake on top of water, Link had to mad dash up the stairs.

Once up the stairs, Link was in a shrine dedicated to Valoo, obviously. He was right there after all, but so was Medli. She was stuck in a cage with two armed Bokoboblin guards standing tall at the entrance. The fight began fast. Link rushed forward and performed a jump slash, tearing into one of the guards, who was thrown back by the force. The other reared back to slash Link, but nearly lost his arm to the spin attack Link let loose. The first one returned, weaponless, and kicked Link in the head. Link just punched the monster in the face with his shield and it fell dead. The paralyzed bokoboblin exploded with the distinctive, curling smoke. The second one had no time to recover, and faced an entire combo of thrusts from Link's relentless sword.

Link walked towards Medli's cage to free her, but a loud thud told him that he was not alone, once again. A large moblin slammed down onto the ground and swung its ridiculously long spear at the boy. Link slammed against the wall and had little time to roll away as the spear tried to impale him. Link brought his shield up and the spear bounced off. Before the pig could bring it back down, Link charged forward and slashed away at the monster's large gut, leaving it to perish. When the other moblin readied to slam its spear on his head, Link parried, leaving a devastating slash in the pig's back. The spear flew to the far side of the arena and Link readied to finish the beast. Instead, the moblin punched him square in the jaw. Link flew back a few feet and struggled to get up. When he did though, the pig was on its feet with its spear. Link readied to go in for the kill. The two locked weapons until Link's sword broke through and embedded itself in the beast's face.

After making sure they were safe, Link released Medli who was _very_ grateful. "What took you so long!" Okay, not _that_ grateful.

Link just rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Medli. What's going on with this place anyway?"

"What do you mean?" Medli blinked.

"Your holy shrine is covered in monsters, and the great Valoo is having a hissy-fit... looks like something's torturing his tail…" Link muttered.

"Oh yeah... you're right actually. Here, take this..." Medli told him handing him a grappling hook.

"What does it do?" Link asked, twirling the rope.

"I dunno... I see people swing from them though, so they must be kind of useful." Medli muttered, poking her lip.

"GOD DAMN you are useless..." Link growled, readying to swing on Medli.

"AHH!" Medli screamed and dodged the punch by jumping and flapping into the air.

"Oh get back here, you!" Link ran up some stairs behind him, then threw the grappling hook at Medli. Instead of hitting her, it just wrapped around the pole that was jutting out of the stone wall, letting him swing through the air instead.

"Oh yeah, that's how you use it. I had forgotten." Medli cheered and clapped.

Link, too excited with the function of his new tool, just jumped and swung again until he was at the door he had passed through not to long ago.

"Good job, Link! I'm going back to the bottom again to get help." Medli half cheered.

Link nodded seriously, but as soon as Medli had gone, Link grew a childish grin and started swinging from the nearest poles. He hung, then swung, from one to the next, until he had run out of poles. He found a door at the end of the line though. "Maybe there's new poles in there!" Link yelled, dashing in.

This room had a bridge and a bokoboblin, holding... A MACHETE. Link dashed forward at lighting speeds, stabbing and slashing at his opponent. He was ready to kill, but he only succeeded in cutting most of the ropes that were holding up the bridge. Link and the bokoboblin slid to the side, and Link just barely grabbed the edge of the bridge, (or what was left of it) to save himself. The monster tried to grab his leg, but Link aimed his sword carefully and thrust it into the beast's skull. The creature fell lifeless into the lava, as did the machete. Link wept for his lost love... Finally, when the rope bridge snapped, Link embraced the fall and welcomed the lava, wishing only to see his love in the afterlife. However, he just fell completely unharmed onto a patch of rock.

"Don't even think about it!" The KORL's voice roared from the stone as Link attempted to lunge into the lava.

On that floor was a door, which led back to the main room but a little higher up. Link ran up some steps and into a strange birdcage. He ran into the middle, not really getting the design of a spiral in the middle. He just did a spin move, dropping the floor of the cage incredibly fast to the floor of the lava pool. Link hopped out into a new room, hopping across multiple hanging platforms to a ladder, which took him up to a strange door that was locked. BUT, there was a grappling hook slot which Link showed no hesitation in leaping to with his rope. As he swung, he unhooked a switch which let the door open.

Link entered the next room to swing on another hook then hop across some platforms and swing again into the next room.

The next room was huge and had a fiery ring. A magtail, the fiery centipede, was in it as well. Not seeing any water, Link slashed the creature in the eye. When it reared back, he could safely step on the switch. When the fire disappeared, Link happily ran at the golden chest, reaching it just as the fire scorched back to life and burned him. Unfortunately, the 'oregano' in his pocket burnt too. Link was running a pretty good buzz and blacked out.

What must have been hours later, Link re-awoke in front of the boss door, with a gold key in one hand, a pineapple in the other and a tattoo of someone named Zelda, with a heart on his right shoulder. "Who the fuck is Zelda... oh well; it must have been fun... HEY GOLD KEY!" Link turned around, gawked and pointed. "GOLD LOCK!" Link put two and two together. His equation equaled out to Q, so he put the key in the lock and opened the door.

****WOOT BOSS FIGHT****

Link walked into the big round lava room and something immediate felt weird.

Suddenly, a large, red, lava-dripping bug with an armored shell blasted up from the lava pit and blew fire into the air.

Link was little more than interested as he noticed something that resembled a grappling hook spot. He immediately leapt to it and swung up onto a ledge.

The creature started screaming and Link turned to see that a rock was falling onto it. The monster recovered, positioned the rock back into the ceiling. Its armor was noticeably cracked.

Link realized he was in a fight and swung again, this time to inflict pain... and he screamed "Whee!" while he flew.

Once again, Gohma screamed and roared as the rock dented his armor again.

After placing the rock up, it locked eyes with Link and the two stared each other down. Link charged forward, tossing the hook up. He swung and dropped to the ground ahead.

The rock was pinned on the creature. Suddenly, both the rock and Gohma's armor burst away. Link threw his grappling hook, but with no avail. It missed the tail, but caught the beast's eye and brought it down.

Link roared happily and slashed away at the eye screaming, "YOU'RE MY BITCH AHAHAHAHAHA!" With one last, victorious slash, the creature reared back and fell to pieces, blackening and smoking.

Lava grew black and hardened, and a heart dropped down. Link picked it up. After doing a little dance, he then stepped into a whirl wind that sent him up, out of the cave.

Link was sent out to the outside of Dragoon Roost Island as the cloud dispersed. A cheerful voice called from behind him. "LIIINNKK! You did it! You saved us!"

"Hey Medli, thanks. It's what I do... I guess" Link murmured, rubbing the back of his head modestly.

"Prince Komali, don't you have something you wanted to say?" Medli asked, pushing the little boy forward.

"Link... I want you to have this. Thanks to you, I am not a pansy any more and I want you to have this to help you not be a pansy anymore." Komali murmured and handed Link the Din's pearl.

Link's forehead twitched. "Shut up you little bastard. I'll put you in the microwave." he said under his breath.

Komali didn't hear and Medli told Link, "The great Valoo says you're totally beast mode... whatever that means" Medli muttered, trailing off. "Oh, and use the Wind God's wind"

"Okay. Thanks you guys." Link said cheerfully.

"Hey Link, wait!" Komali called back to him.

Link turned back curiously.

"I'm not gay anymore," Komali said with a smirk, grabbing a handful of Medli's bottom and squeezing.

Medli just blushed holding her hands in front of her like always.

Link quirked an eyebrow and walked through the tunnel to the island. He swam over to it and inspected the monument. Using his Wind Waker, he conducted the symbols.

A mighty wind blew by and Link enjoyed it until a big, green, rapidly talking frog showed up. "Hey kid, I like the way you use the wind... Are you the new Wind Waker? Well just remember, there are two ways to use wind. Good and Bad. If you want a bad example, that would be using it to blow up girls' skirts. Now I

I'm not encouraging you to do it but if you do, be sure to call me, okay?"

Link nodded, having no idea what was happening.

"Good. I am off." Zephos roared, leaving the area on a wind cloud.

Link returned to The KORL heavily confused.

"Ready to go?" The KORL asked in a hurry.

Link nodded.

"Okay well change the wind south and let's go."

Link did as he was told and the two were off.

* * *

**FIN**

**So sorry about the delay but you know how it is end of the year finals then the opening summer parties. I just couldn't find the time. I will try to update sooner but no promises sorry.**

**Oh, by the way, I do not own Zelda or anything like that. But I do own cyanide lots and lots of cyanide... X3**

**Please review I worked really hard to make this as funny and epic as possible.**


	7. Forest Haven

**Quite sorry that I haven't posted recently been working hard on a new story that I hope to post soon.**

**Also I noticed a lot of the reviews I get are anonymous, so if you're one of those anonymous reviews, thanks for your input. ^^**

_**Chapter 7: Forest Haven**_

* * *

Once again out on the open sea, Link gripped the rudder and strafed left, heading south from Dragon Roost as told. "So King, where are we going exactly?"

Spitting out a mouthful of sea water, King hollered back. "We are heading south to Fore-... WAIT STOP!"

Link, confused by the order, stood still trying to voice his concern. King however wanted to stop on the spot, so he did. Link was then thrown from the craft.

While The KORL scanned the waters for something, Link swam back to him. "I... hate you so much." King shushed him. "Hush, you little bastard. I already knew that! ... Now... silence..."

"OYYYEE." A faceless voice called.

"There he is!" King chortled, turning his head left, watching a fish silhouette swim around.

Link gaped at King and backed away from its head. "King... man... you got some problems. That's a fish."

The silhouette popped up and shouted, "OYY small fry, I am not just a fish I'm-"

"Hergerger…" Link interrupted the fish by falling off the back of the boat, having a heart attack.

King and the fish man laughed to themselves slightly, until the bubbles stopped coming up.

"EH... is he ok?" The fish man asked King warily.

King shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Who cares?"

Fish gazed between King and the sparsely rising bubbles and shrugged. "Oh well." He pulled out a pen. "Got the chart?"

King pulled out the chart and presented it to Fishman, who promptly jumped and pointed in a small section of the map. "Kay we's even now." Fish then swam away. With that done, King dredged up Link and they sailed off once more.

The sun was setting as Forest Haven came into view. "Link, just ahead is The Forest Haven... why are we turning…?" True to his concern, the boat had notably strafed right, and in their path was what resembled a large barrel.

*SMACK*

Link fell back and landed with a thud in the barrel's top. "Damn... and I was just getting to sleep."

King's wooden eyes bugged out. "You were asleep?"

"Getting there... hey what am I sitting on?" Link asked.

King stared at it for a moment. "Look's like one of Ganon's subs... or a barrel... My eyes may be going."

"This is one of Ganon's subs? Your eyes can go…? Ganon has subs?" The green clad hero asked each question with a stomp on the sub beneath him.

King nodded slowly. "Yes. He uses them to transport troops across the sea without arising suspicion, and leaving them protected from an attack."

Link found the door and opened it.

"Where are you going you idiot?" King hissed.

"Where else? I'm gonna murder some monsters." Link muttered smugly and darkly.

With that, Link disappeared for some time, and King was left with his thoughts. "What a dark child..."

The dimly lit sub was, in Link's opinion, in need of some dire maintenance. There was leak induced moss growing all over the walls. There were also enough puddles on the ground to make it apparent that this sub wasn't stationary by choice.

Now, fully ready to sate his bloodlust, Link was actually disappointed to find that the small bokoboblin crew was highly malnourished and weak.

This _should_ apply to a person's mercy. Link was apparently not a person. Considering the weakness of the crew, and Link's... not weakness, it only took a moment.

Once all monsters had been viciously slaughtered, a chest appeared. Dramatic music played as Link opened it. The contents were only an empty bottle in it.

**(A/N You ever wonder why they are actually called empty bottles? You never find one with anything in it. At least not in Wind Waker. I think just about every bottle you get in Majora's Mask has something in it... Oh wait, this isn't a forum. It's a story. My bad, sorry ^_^)**

Link hopped onto the beach of Forest Haven. "... Wait, what the crap? How did we get here?" Link screamed, running around.

"... Damn it. It's the horror of mid-chapter author notes. They interrupt the stories and usually provoke scene changes." King rolled his eyes. "But it seems this time, it merely lets characters skip boring tasks... with no memory... It's like a drug."

"But not fun right?" Link asked.

"Exactly. They suck." King murmured.

**(A/N: ... I like them)**

Link walked up the hill from The King having finished being briefed on his mission. He then suddenly smacked his forehead. "God damn it."

When our favorite little bastard reached the top of the hill, he noticed a strange flower. "I'm not a bastard... my dad just... doesn't exist." Link muttered to no one in particular.

At the sound of Link's voice, a strange creature burst from the flower. Link hit its head with his shield, knocking it back. That was when Link realized the creature was the flower. It was some kind of Venus fly trap. "Can I smoke this?" Link asked himself, blocking another attack.

"No... no Link, you cannot smoke it…" King's voice came from The Gossip Stone, even though King was only about twenty feet away.

"Dumbass straight-edge boat!" Link huffed, killing the monster. "I'll smoke him."

There were many more of these plants on the hill. While Link pulled out his grappling hook, he muttered to himself. "Man, it's always the plants in high supply you can't smoke."

"Shut up, you little bastard." King scolded.

Link stuck his tongue out at the stone that he knew King could see him through. "Why are dads so important to you people...?"

"Just hurry up and go. You still need two more pearls!" King shouted.

"Whatever..." Link twirled the hook over head and swung across the gap.

"Ah, shit!" Link screamed, dodging a flying rock with a roll. "What is that thing?" Link screamed into the stone.

"That's... an Octork. Thought they died out... oh well. They're tough to kill, but... I believe in you." King yawned with each pause.

"Right." Making a fist, Link grunted in determination. Link ran forward, leaping across the gaps between the small islands in the river.

The Octorks fired again, keeping their barrage.

Raising his shield, Link blocked the bullets. He swung his grappling hook and swung into a small pond that ran out of the inside of the giant tree-island- mountain thing.

The inside of the tree was very large, cavernous even. Strange fireflies floated about. They would have been an excellent source of light, were it not for that the peaceful glade was already bathed in moonlight from the opening in the top of the large tree.

Light sloshing noises were all that could break through such tranquil silence, which here the noises of Link wading up to the large tree in the center of the glade. "Pfft... There is nothing HERE... Fuck you KORL." Link scoffed.

King's voice did not come from the stone, but a large hoard of chu-chus did come from inside the tree.

"HOLY CRAP... JELL-O!" Link screamed in horror, covering his head in an attempt to run from the tree.

But since the confused swordsman was covering his head, he ran straight into the tree, thus, knocking all of the chu-chu free.

When the chu-chus landed around him, Link assumed it was an attack and retaliated ten-fold.

The jell-o creatures were defeated in moments. A series of dark purple puffs burst around him. Link then nodded in understanding. "OH... they were monsters...". The fact that they were monsters made Link feel a moment of satisfaction and pride, which was ruined when a deep booming voice rung through the forest haven, in the same language as Valoo.

"UH... HUH?" Link asked, staring up at the tree.

The pad Link stood on slowly rose into the air until it reached eye level with the giant tree. "So you're not him… Well that sucks."

Link nodded despite his ignorance. "Yea... no idea!"

"Well, regardless, you wear the hero's clothes and arrive on The King of Red Lions. That's the boat who speaks, in case ya didn't know." Link frowned "So you must be here for a reason! Now what is it?" The big talking tree asked.

Link stared at the large tree for a moment, completely bewildered. "No way. You're a very large, _OBVIOUSLY _animmobile tree. How in the Hell could you know how I got here?" Link looked around. "And there are no windows in here so… don't even try that."

"Oh, I see you're here for Farore's pearl. Well first, you must meet my children. The Koroks who will perform a ceremony for us."

"How the Hell did you have kids? Who bred with you?"

"I am the Great Deku tree and these are my Koroks." The Great Deku tree formally introduced himself and his talking shrub children as they flew down from his crown.

"HI!"

"YO!"

"Sup dawg?"

"Damn honkey swordsman!"

"Let's be best friends!"

"I love you!"

"Hello!"

The Koroks all sounded off as they flew down from the crown of the Great Deku tree.

"I'll kill all of you stupid talking shrubs." Link grumbled.

"Now let's begin the ceremony!" The Great Deku tree sang happily.

"I'm afraid we can't Great Deku tree. Makar fell into the forbidden forest." A Korok next to Link shouted.

"OF COURSE HE FUCKING DID... which way do I go?" Link smacked his face.

"I'm sorry to ask this of you Link, but do you think you could climb to my crown, claim the Deku leaf there, and fly to the forbidden woods to save Makar?" The tree asked quickly.

Link had already left his pad and made his way to where a bunch of Koroks stood nearby.

One Korok spoke up. "This is a special flower bud that will spit you high into the air. You can use them to reach the top of the Great Deku tree."

"Good to know." Link yawned sarcastically.

When Link got close to the flower he was forcibly sucked into it and spat to the next flower. This continued until Link landed on a large leafy branch. "Ow. Suck-mutha-fucka."

"Swordsman." A Korok on the branch jumped slightly. "You made it. I'm amazed. And out five bucks... the next bulb is to far though."

Link didn't lose a step and tossed his grabbling hook at a branch higher up and swung right in. That bulb spat him through a few more bulbs, until he landed next to the glowing leaf. "Those stupid bulbs suck so bad."

"Over here sexy!" Link sweat dropped as a Korok called over to him from a ledge. "Fly over on the leaf."

"HEHEHE." Link chuckled. "You're funny. That... that was a good joke"

"**DO IT!**" The Great Deku tree roared so loudly it threw Link off.

"Ahh Shit." Link grabbed onto the leaf in his hands tightly.

*Whoosh*

Suddenly, the leaf caught a gust of air and stopped Links free fall. "No... way!" Link floated lightly over to the ledge that ledge outside and rushed through.

The space between forbidden forest was wide and dangerous, Link doubted his leaf would carry him that far, but there was a small island, and a cyclone circling it that would come in handy.

Link sighed, changed the wind and leapt off. After a few close calls, Link finally managed to make it to the entrance.

"Deku tree... Koroks... Makar... Ryan Seacrest... Okay, now Forbidden Forest. WTF." Link looked over the wild vines growing everywhere. "I'm a swordsman, not a gardener. Deku tree must think I'm Mexican..." Link muttered and walked into the Forbidden Forest.

* * *

_**Chapter End.**_

**Ok I know it's been awhile... hopefully the next one will be soon.**

**Thanks for reading please review.**


	8. Forbidden woods

**This is unfortunately a dungeon I really wasn't able to write… because I can hardly remember it. I actually had to replay it to remember it.**

**Chapter 8: Forbidden Woods**

* * *

Link entered the Forbidden Woods and his nose was assaulted by the smell of plant pheromones. The first room was full of grass with a door right in front of him, but it was blocked by something weird.

Almost immediately he was attacked by more chu-chu's. He killed them quickly, grimacing at all the slime on his sword. "Well… those things will certainly get annoying quick." He commented.

The door was blocked by some kind of plant. When Link attempted to cut it away, its eye withdrew and the vines grew back faster than he could cut them down. After attempting to knock the eye down with his grappling hook, Link realized it was useless as a weapon. "Fuck you eye thing!"

A large brick-like nut was not far to his left. Link scooped it up and tossed it viciously at the eye. It crumpled away. "Owned." Link muttered smugly.

The next room had several large trees holding those useful, but annoying bulbs. "Fuck my life…" Link sighed, and contemplated slashing his wrist. Regardless, he hopped off the ledge and made about flying between the bulbs, being careful to avoid the large spike plant things.

The ledge he finally landed on had some chu-chu's and a bomb flower, along with another annoying door eye. Link killed the chu-chu's without mercy, he never cared for jell-o.

After killing the monsters, he experimented by using the bomb on the door. The creature died in a fiery explosion… and Link chalked one up to genius.

The next room was incredibly simple. There was an odd elevator type thing hanging on the other side of the room. Strange fan like plants held positions in the corners off each side. On impulse, Link blasted one such pulley, and sure enough, it brought the elevator across. Link smiled as he repeated this process a few times to get across the room.

The next room had a large tree with smaller trees around it, making ledges with bulbs on them. Peahats surrounded the area, but they weren't very bright, thus, Link ignored them.

There were bokobabas around the base of the tree. Link, feeling a bit of anger at previous encounters with these beasts, felt the overwhelming desire to kill the hell out of these things.

After all three were dead, the baba all the way to right transformed into a Deku bulb, which Link used to make his way up the tree. Once on top of the tree, Link found another door with the weird eye on it.

Link didn't see a nut or a bomb flower to destroy said eye with. However, the elevator he found earlier was in here so he summoned it close and rode it across. Once on the side he did find a nut.

Since in this version Link is not a wimpy twelve year old boy, but a_slightly_more mature teenage young man. He actually had some upper body strength. So instead of carrying back the nut, he chucked it across the large gap and smashed the eye. "HA HA… TAKE THAT!" Link cheered and made his way back across, and through the door.

The next room was a long dark hallway with the moonlight spilling through. Link chuckled smugly. "This Forbbiden Woods isn't all so bad… not a hard dungeon at all! If it does get hard I will just burn it down and inhale all these plants and fumes!" Link noticed the eye door on the side, and the nut for it was right in front of him. He walked right at it. "See! Easy!"

A few feet from the nut Link was proven quite wrong, as a large amount of thorned roots burst from the ground, and slammed right into Link's torso. "Oww… I could almost feel that coming!" Link wheezed out.

Attempting to gain that nut no matter what, Link circled around the nut and tried from the opposite side. Again he was nailed in the face by some less than caring roots. When he landed on his back, the eye door seemed to be taunting him. "Do not look at me in that tone of voice!"

Kicking to his feet, Link swung his sword in frustration… or he would have if it hadn't been the Deku leaf he swung. A large gust of wind freed the nut from the circle, and Link did a little dance in celebration.

The next room Link found his way into was most likely the main room of the dungeon. It was not fun. The majority of the room was moving pads along the edge. The middle of the room was a large flower. More thorn creatures lined the sides. There was poisoned water down below, and Link was positive there was another din damned door eye in this room!

Quickly making his way around, Link made use of moving pads and his grappling hook until he found it.

"Goddess damn it all!" Link sighed in frustration, and picked up the most heinous thing in this dungeon.

The Deku nut.

Because where there's a nut.

There's an eye door thing.

Link found it on a ledge that wasn't far away. The stupid eye winked at him. Link grumbled and hefted the nut up to toss it at the eye.

This time, the eye pulled a new trick.

It winked just in time to slam the eye back into Links face.

"OW." Link removed the nut and rubbing the splinters out of his skin. "You were adopted." He glared at the nut then the eye.

He tossed it again this time he wasn't denied and it withered away.

The next room was just a real grassy hall, Link wasted no time sprinting down the hall. This was not the best idea as he was running on nothing for a moment then fell into a pit. "Oh Hell!" Link grunted, realizing he was surrounded by big spiky egg like creatures.

The eyes charged him and latched on he was unable to move. Link grunted as he struggled to stab the eyes off of him. Once he ridded himself of the annoyances, Link sighed. "If I get through this I am going to beat the Hell out of an optometrist!" Then he climbed out of the hole then left the room.

After the next door shut, Link glanced about to discover he was in a surprisingly, _suspiciously_ empty room. Sure enough, upon taking a step forward, the green clad nomad was greeted by the bursting of thousand spiked roots in all directions. He noticed a small opening which probably lead around in a maze type pattern to the wooden walls on the other side. "So I will, without a doubt, find a key if I go through this maze... fuck that." Link turned and left that room.

"OYE LAD! In case you have not noticed, you require the key... what's your plan?" The gossip stone yelled from Link's pocket.

Link shrugged and left over the pit from before, "I'll figure something out!'

Figure out something he did, for only a moment later Link was trudging over the remains of the door, "Wooden doors!... nothing may stop me!" Link shouted jubilantly as blood trickled down his forehead.

"Was it entirely necessary to use your face to crush that door?"

"Entirely what to do what?"

"Never mind... keep going! It's going great!" King muttered sarcastically.

Link used another elevator... dolly... thing to cross the next room. This room was relatively tower-like with several levels of foliage creating standing platforms. Upon entering, the local monster infestation targeted him, moving in with assorted growls and hisses. Link kicked up at a large bug that approached him, then shot his sword out and impaled the beast in the eye. It disappeared in a large puff of smoke that alerted a nearby Bokobaba. The beast shot its large neck out to attempt to consume our hero. Link, not keen on being eaten, rolled around the creature and sliced its head off. Before Link could recover he was tackled into the newly sprouted Deku bulb by another bug.

This immediately shot him to the next level, not finding anything of interest on the second floor he immediately ascended to the third.

The door on the third floor was opened and Link entered, Nothing was insight except for many trees and plants until he noticed the dust coating him from above, "Wha...?" Before Link could look up, the large moth flew down, giving Link next to no time to leap back to avoid an unfortunate haircut. The moth floated about hissing and spitting threateningly at Link. He was shaken from the near death experience, but he was more angry than anything. Link rushed the moth and slashed at its low hanging thorax. The moth screamed in pain and flew high rolling back then dive bombing down at the ground pulling up at the last moment to veer off at its prey.

Naturally, the moth was so focused on its maneuver that it never saw Link draw his grappling hook. While sidestepping the dive, Link let the hook fly and wrap itself around his opponents head. The moth flew to the right just before making contact with the wall. However, the moth crashing was not Link's intention, at least not into the wall. Just after it flew around a tree, Link pulled the rope nice and hard, bringing the moth hard against the tree. Before it could recover Link drew his Deku leaf and swung it hard, the gust of air made contact like a canon the moth fell limp onto the ground. The swordsman was upon it before a breath was lost, tearing the creature a new everything, damn near skinning it, then it died in a puff of smoke.

A small cage opened in the back of the room with a chest inside. When Link cracked open that chest he was surprised to find a new weapon. A boomerang!

Link gave it a toss. "Well... this'll do." After leaving the room, Link continued on for a while, until he came to a room that held another cage, "I know that chest... well shit I know where I can find Makar now!" Link took another step before hearing a familiar squawk above his head. "God damn it all!" Link grunted before glancing to one of the incoming moblins, "Fuck you!" Link sighed, then drew his blade. "I am growing up way to much... However... no amount of you monsters will stop me from getting my sister home!" With this declaration of war, shouted Link charged.

-A few hours later-

Link grunted brushing at a cut on his stomach that was obviously going to scar. "Makar... you better be worth this!" Link glanced at all the plant life around him. "Maybe this really is the universe saying I should stop smoking pot... and overall just be a lot more serious." The chain of the boss door clattered to his feet. "Well if there were such a time as to start playing my part... this is it!"

Link entered the room to see Makar smack dab in the middle of it. He was apprehensive about the mission in the beginning, but now he was simply glad to see the Korok was unharmed. He gave the Korok a smile, whether the plant child saw or even understood the gesture was unknown as the hero as a strange royal looking Deku Baba sprouted and ate Makar.

The green clad warrior scolded himself with a grunt, he had known full well that this was a boss room, yet he let Makar get eaten. How could he forget the boss!

Kalle Demos, as it was apparently named, became surrounded by its large flower petals into a bulb and rose up into the air on vines which Link recognized as his target when the battle began. He was readying his boomerang when large barbed roots sprouted from the bottom. "Lovely! Now doesn't that complicate things!" Link rolled to the side after letting his boomerang fly, then he began a strange dance of rolls and jumps that kept him from getting hit. Upon checking the vines condition, he was pleased to find that the vines had mostly been severed. With one last throw, the bulb came down. Link charged in and assaulted the plant with as much force as he could muster.

Not noticing the bulb beginning to close, Link was essentially eaten, then spat out by the plant. He grunted, feeling the beginnings of a bruise on the back of his head. "Damn!" He growled and redid his assault on the plant. This time, however, he attacked a lot quicker, going for the beast's neck. Just as the bulb was going to close again, an attack that Link doubted he would survive again. Link gave one last swing of his sword, and severed the beast's neck from his body.

The head of Kalle Demos flew a few feet and landed in a pile as the body withered and Makar just sort of crawled out of the carcass.

Link watched in excitement as the body died. Yu could even see the effect of poison and evil the boss had created slowly slip away. "Hello..." a small voice jarred his thoughts."Did you come here to... save me?"

Link smirked and was going to say something quick and aggressive, however some instinct in him stayed his tongue and he knelt down to the Korok's level. "Yes... your friends are very worried over your disappearance..." Link noticed the cyclone in the center of the room. "So let us return to them."

"Yes mister swordsman!" Makar cheered following him along.

"You can call me Link"

"Thank you mister swordsman."

The sound of the wind escorting them out of the temple covered Link's annoyed sigh.

The Koroks were gathered around Link when the wind dropped them. And after a short lecture, Makar turned to Link. "Mister swordsman, I dedicate this song to you!"

Link literally bit his tongue to keep from making a joke at the Korok's sexual preference.

The song was over quick, and with a few words of encouragement, The Great Deku Tree let Link have the Faorre's pearl and leave.

"Well... you seem different!" King commented with a quirk when Link returned.

"Well you can say I learned my lesson." Link answered with a shrug as he began to patch up a few cuts he had recieved in the Forbidden Woods.

"I didn't mean the injuries." King replied in an inquisitive annoyance.

"Neither did I."

* * *

_**Chapter end!**_

**Yes I know it has been far too long, but times are tough to me. However I can tell you all to expect a new one within 2 weeks. **

**Please review!**

**First two reviewers get a special prize they can either put forth a one shot they would have me write or something they want me to influence this story with.**


	9. Nayru's pearl

**I have had this chapter sitting in my notebook for far too long, so now its time to type it up. Other than continuing this story, I have no planned stories... other than a New Year's oneshot, at New Years of course. So I would appreciate an idea for a story!**

**Chapter 9:Nayru's Pearl**

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The wind began to blow north-westerly while Link stretched. "So... off to Greatfish now, right?"

The king nodded softly with a jubilant feeling. "Yes lad... you should take a moment. It will be a long ride." It was hard to feel rushed with how well it was going so far. "Most likely the next island will be plagued in some way, but I'm confident in your ability to stop any monsters in our way."

"Yeah, I do seem to have a good track record with saving the day." Link then hopped onto King's deck, and the two took of with out a second thought. Both even went as far as to share a hearty laugh over the 'assured' victory they were sailing toward.

**A few horrifically, laughably ironic minutes later.**

"OH dead goddesses..." King muttered, hoping to quell bile he didn't even have.

"Wha-... why? King, why did Ganon do this? Doesn't he need the pearl!"

King shook his head. "No... he just... he just needs you to not have it... undoubtedly he knows you've claimed two, thus, destroying the island the pearl and everyone on it... wouldn't be an illogical choice."

"Killing dozens of people IS NOT LOGICAL!" Link screamed in a wild desperation that swallowed his thoughts.

"I meant logical for him!" King snapped and knocked Link back to his senses. "We should check for survivors." Link gripped the rudder so tight his knuckles turned white as they cruised into the bay of the island.

"... This isn't right..." He gently exclaimed while examining some poor soul's remains that were stuck in the sand like any other piece of debris. Link sighed, "I should have been here..."

"Lad... Ganon himself must have done this... there's nothing you could have done!"

It began to rain hard as thunder rolled upon the island.

"Perfect!" Link spat bitterly.

"The weather is strange; everywhere else is calm seas and bright skies. Here, however, the sea rages and the sky is black."

Link glared at the king. "I'm sitting on the world's biggest funeral pyre, and you're commenting on the weather!"

"Wellll..." King muttered.

"Whatever... let's get out off here" Link grunted.

"Where to?"

"uhm..."

"Link!"

"Huh?" Link looked to the northeast and saw a white and brown dot coming quickly in from the distance.

"Quill?" Link deadpanned.

Sure enough, the birdman-mailman was flying toward Link's spot on the ruined island. As his feet readied for a landing, Quill failed to notice that his course had drifted towards a large jagged rock. The collision was violent.

"Quill…? Are you high?" Link facepalms to his crack-loving friend.

Said crack-lover shook his head violently. "Unfortunately no..." he shook himself back to reality. "I decided this duty was too important to leave to the purple dragon."

King shrugged.

"What?" He thought for a few moments. "Oh yes. Valoo called this island cursed."

"No duh!" Link grunted apprehensively.

"Oh, and the pirates know you're alive." Quill said as an afterthought.

Link scowled, "Why do they know that?"

"I told them..." Quill muttered while staring at some shells on the beach.

"Why!" Link roared as the pressures of the day boar down on him.

"Because they asked!" Quill shouted. "Now they're after Jabun's treasure in the cave on Outset."

"Jabun's alive!" King asked in excitement.

"Yes, he's in a cave on the back Outset Island!"

"Where is he?" King asked again.

Link smacked King over the head. "Thanks Quill for the info…" He gestured to the wreckage. "Sorry I snapped, it's been a long day."

Quill nodded. "Think nothing of it; I suggest you leave as soon as you can!"

"Don't have to tell me twice! Off to Outset!" Link perked up.

The Rito turned around back around. "You're going to need bombs first..."

Link sweat dropped. "Where from?"

"Windfall"

"Pirates there?"

"Sadly so..."

"God damn it!"

**Later on Windfall...**

"To the bomb shop..." Link trudged off slowly.

"Be strong lad!" King encouraged.

Link sighed, climbed the hill and knocked on the door to the bomb shop.

"Whaddya want?" A loud yet masculine voice asked.

"A stripper cake... What do you think? I needs bombs."

"To bad, coulda gotten you a stripper cake." The man was interrupted by a smack and a shrill female voice. "You idiot go steal more bombs." This was followed by the female's fail of an attempt to sound tough and masculine. "Go away ain't nobody home, yeah!"

Link sighed and made his way around to the back, climbing up some vines, Link then crawled through a small hole in the top of the building. "How'd I know this was here?"

The inside of the shop was destroyed, the owner was tied up, the crates of bombs were busted up and their contents hastily stuffed into barrel.

The captain stood in the corner with an air of annoyance about her. _Probably can't wait to get the treasure_ Link scoffed with disgust.

"Hurry up men! We need to get out to Outset, ASAP!" Tetra scolded.

"Wait what?" one of the men asked. "We need to take a break, a night in town yeah?"

"Shut it!" Tetra shot him a glare. "What about that little Island? If that treasure stays there, it's dead!"

"Miss, not to disrespect, but it sounds as if you want that Island's safety more than the treasure." Mako posed the question nervously.

"Shut up... I want, you know... treasure." Tetra felt eyes on her and looked up, just in time to meet Link's eyes. He backed away out of sight, but Tetra smirked as she knew the island would be handled.

"Fine... we can stay, but you guys be ready to ship out in the morning."

The men cheered and began carrying the bombs back.

Mako leaned over to Gonzo "What's the password today?"

"Haha the password is: Niko is a douche!"

Link sweat dropped and left the bomb shop. On the way over to the ship, Link felt a nagging feeling in his stomach.

When he hit the deck a voice called up from the cargo hold "Hello? Who's there!"

Link knocked on the door and said the password, which caused the door to open, and no one was there. "Weird."

Knowing Niko had to be around here somewhere, Link ran on down to the cargo hold to find the buck tooth swabbie.

"Oye ey Link! You here to take another test?"

"Do I get bombs?"

"Sure!"

"Ok then... Explain it to me!"

"Alright, well..." By the time Niko finished the explanation, Link was already kicking open the chest.

"Woah, how'd you get over there?" Niko was floored.

"Skill!" Link smugly pocketed the bombs.

"Well I'm gonna make a sandwich, you want one?" Niko headed for the door.

"Sure, be up in a moment." Link dropped down off of the high room. That's when he felt a familiar buzz in his pockets. "Oye Tetra, how're we doin t'night." Link teased while heavily dipping into his southern accent.

"Don't get so smug, I just figure you'd like to be the one to save your island!" Tetras voice was pleasant, yet scolding.

"And the treasure?"

"Can't put a price on so many lives!" Tetra snapped back as if he really thought she was THAT blood thirsty.

"Hehe... you're going soft, cap'n" Link laughed warm heartedly.

"Don't start with me fairy boy!" Tetra shared the warm sentiment.

Link smiled mischievously. "I'm sorry captain, but I don't think a fairy boy would notice that you looked beautiful tonight." He deactivated the stone with a laugh, knowing he would pay dearly for that sooner or later.

Not that he would or could know this, but at that moment, a very dumbstruck, very much blushing Tetra was staring at the deactivated stone with her mouth agape. She grit her teeth and pocketed the stone, claiming the boy was probably high. (She doesn't know of his personality change or going sober.)

**Later on Outset**

After Link had fought and killed the small detachment of monsters present on his home island, he made his way to his home. His grandma seemed sick, but was probably just in some drug coma. With a sigh and heavy heart, Link jumped in King and made his way to the back of the island, while searching for the cave. Once found, Link discovered the cave was blocked by a very strange looking stone, and when he sailed for it, a whirlpool formed and sucked him in, and began swirling the boat. King ordered him to fire on the door, and in a short matter of time, and a large waste of bombs, it was destroyed.

With the rock destroyed, the whirlpool faded away and Link and King entered the cave, which had the oddest magical feeling in it. The water began to swell and glow until a large fish broke out and looked down on King and Link.

Two days ago, Link would have dove out and swam for the exit in fear, but now he felt no such thing he had seen worse.

King had a conversation with the Hylian speaking fish, Link stood by waiting to be dropped feet first into the next Hellish dungeon. None came though, instead the conversation closed and Link was awarded the next pearl.

"Thank you lord Jabun!" King nodded and left the cave.

"That's it?" Link had continued to hold the pearl with the utmost confusion.

"That's it!" King was excited to be back on track.

"No dungeon?" Link was also getting excited.

"Well..." King sweat dropped. "Not for a little while..."

_Chapter end_

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**... I really have nothing to say after this chapter I'm very sleepy.**


	10. The tower of the gods

**Alright chapter ten… I cut a lot out of the tower of the gods because... it's boring. This chapter may not be very good, but I promise to make chapters 11 and 12 very entertaining.**

**(Chapter Ten: The Tower of the Gods)**

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Link wasn't surprised to have King already tell him to head off again. Three islands were marked to place the pearls at. Link approached the first island, scanning around it carefully.

"Lots of monster, eh?" Link asked suspiciously.

"Yes, Ganon is certainly attempting to slow us down…"

Drawing the canon from the small compartment Link growled slightly. "NOT. GONNA. WORK."

The large platoon of Seahats that surrounded the island were disposed of quickly, and upon reaching the island, Link saw the symbol on the statues forehead and nodded in understanding. Placing Nayru's Pearl in the statue's hand, Link took a step back as it began to glow brightly. The light dimmed and Link heard a soft voice in his head. "Two pearls remain."

The green clad adventurer nodded curtly and hopped back in the King. The wind was still blowing northeast, so they headed for the next island that was in that direction.

Even more suspicious than the last island was the eastern triangle island, which as of this moment, had no visible enemies. Only a few weaker cyclones.

Link stepped onto the island, and looked about nervously. "Nothing?"

"Ganon's monsters have been everywhere else, he only has so many. His vanity of always needing body guards doesn't help the numbers either."

"Good to know." Link thought out loud placing Farore's Pearl in the statue's hands.

"Not that it will make your final confrontation any easier!"

"King."

"Yes?"

"Shush." Link chided the boat, wind wakering the wind to the northwest.

**(A/N Windwakering- Verb: Definition 1- using the wind waker. 2- Pwning evil in cell shading)**

Not nearly as peaceful as the last island, The King was chased by several gyorgs upon entering the quadrant. Link killed some off with the boomerang, but they were replaced very quickly.

A large bastion of octorks held position around the final Island. Link held no qualm with simply sailing through the beasts though. Literally, he literally sailed right through several octorks. The king horns proved quite effective at spearing, and splattering the squids.

Sprinting onto the island for cover was no laughing matter either. The rest of the octorks held a constant barrage on Link's position. To top that off, there was the debris, and overall terrifying sound of the hurricane whirling nary ten feet from the shore.

"I didn't come this far to fail," He sighed, "Time to nut up or shut up!"**(A/N Watching Zombieland right now, had to do it!)**He drew his blade to slash through several octork bullets, then he rolled to the statue, subsequently dodging a large sharp piece of drift wood. In a hurry, he almost slammed Din's Pearl into place.

The moment he did though, a large energy wave shot from the statue. The octorks stopped firing, and when Link turned he was surprised to learn that all the surrounding enemies had died.

The hurricane still spun, whipping debris every which way. Link lent back against the stone to rest.

"Lad get up!" a quiet voice called frantically.

Link quirked his eyebrow. To the side of him King was shouting repeatedley. "Wow this storm's loud!" He headed for King, but turned when the statue behind him started glowing. Turning to see the deity's likeness glowing so, Link covered his face in defense. The light died and Link peeked over his hands. Even going so far as to take a step forward.

Then, the statue exploded sending Link flying for the thousandth time (monsters seem to always send him flying when they hit him).

"I bet he could feel that coming!" King muttered as he began cruising toward the Tower of the Gods.

"I could feel that coming…" Link groaned, while hurtling toward the tower rising out of the water. With a loud, slightly reminiscent smack, Link hit the wall. While slipping down the wall and into unconsciousness, he muttered, "God dammit Tetra!" This reminded him too much of the catapult.

**Meanwhile!**

"ACHOO!" Tetra sneezed while leaning on the guard rail, her thoughts temporarily switching to Link for some reason.

"Are you alright, Miss?" Nudge called from the bow of the ship.

"Yea… uhm I don't know... that was weird!" Then she thought of something more important. "Hey, what are you guys thinking for lunch?"

**Back to Link…**

Link was rejoining with the land of the living, he looked about to find himself in King just outside the tower. "We gotta stop meeting like this!"

"Shush Link, you must prepare to take your final test." He indicated the tower. "At this. The gods training ground."

"Right!" Link murmured. The two then cruised forward into destiny!

**A short time later**

Link hopped into the small opening in the waterfall, he had just completed a rather annoying series of puzzles involving the tide, and these light bearing statues.

"Lad, this may be called a 'training ground' but the danger ahead will be very real!" The old boat sighed. "You will need to work with the agents of the tower to complete this puzzle."

"Like these statues?"

"Yes, but a little different. Just keep your head up, and blade drawn."

Link nodded, and turned. "I'll make you proud." Then he headed down the hall.

"I know."

Now this was a strange thing, one of the stranger things Link had seen. A fairy was flying in circles on top of a statue. Pulling a bottle out, Link took a step forward to the fairy.

Then it stopped, so did Link. While the fairy was pointing at him, the tip of the statue lit up like a ball, and opened... Like an eye! "Not a fairy!" Link shouted in confusion. Before he had time to move or think, he was hit in the chest by, searing pain. Thrown back by the beam Link looked up expecting more, but only saw the schitzo 'fairy'.

Feeling his courage muster back up, Link charged to the other side of the statue feeling the heat nip at his heels. Slapping his head immediately Link recognized the three touch sensitive pads on the floor. Sure enough, when he turned around the two statues he needed were by the two statues he needed were by the door he came in from.

A while later Link had found the dungeon's main room taking the only open door led to a simple room with a floating platform. He jumped from land to platform to land and into the next room.

A small statue was on a pedestal in this new plain room. The nearby sign told Link to 'call' the statue.

"Here boy" Link joked.

"..."

"Uhm... here statue?" Link called.

"..."

"Hello?" Link grew irritated.

"..."

"COME ON!" Link shouted, kicking the sign.

The statue lowered and hopped up to Link. "Very good!" Link had the statue follow him out of the room and back to the main chamber. The statue hopped a few feet onto a pedestal, and offered its magic to the room. A light shone brightly in the center of the room. When it dimmed, a stone with a wind waker song on it was left.

Stepping up Link gave the stone a once over and learnedthe_ command melody_.

The stone disappeared after the song was learned, and a door opened.

Moving into the new room Link found a large gap in the floor. So he swung to the other side with the grappling hook. Next room was much the same so he swung to the new side. The statue here was much the same.

"Come on." Link called.

"..."

Link rolled his eyes. "COME ON!" He shouted.

The statue complied.

"Fucker!" Link grumbled turning around to find a pad switch. Stepping on it. He noticed a rainbow light bridge pop up. "Gay…" He nodded.

Experimenting a little, Link used the command melody to tell the statue to cross the bridge, and it did. The statue and Link moved into the next room.

When they moved into the room Link was just in, the statue moved to a pad, and a door in the corner opened.

"Link... you can leave the statue if you need too!"

Nodding and drawing his grappling hook he swung to the new door and entered the new door to face a new threat.

The darknut spun its sword and allowed Link to view the blood red eyes before it made a fist and shook with rage. It was armored from head to toe. Not to even mention its large serrated sword.

"That'll hurt!" Link grunted and drew his shield and sword. Circling the creature wasn't easy, but once it readied to attack him, he was ready to attack back and rolled and slashed its back. Link didn't notice it at first, but he had just slashed a series of chords that held the armor in place. The darknut turned back in surprise and hit Link with his sword, who was sent spinning away from the enemy.

"Owww... " Link got back up to his feet and glared down his enemy. "... Yea... well you're wide open now!" Growling once more, Link charged and tore the open chest of the demon apart. As it fell dead Link turned to the chest. Opening it he found the hero's bow.

He stepped out of the room, and was met with his most hated enemy. "Fuck you!" He growled, drawing his new bow and shooting the damned eye across from him.

**(A/N: Ha, I bet you didn't think I was going anywhere with that joke)**

Platforms moved out from under the eye, and Link used them to cross back to the statue, and both of them returned to the main room. The second offered its magic to the room, and a short while later the third did as well.

Link stepped into the tall pink light column, and rode it to the top of the tower, this only made him wonder what was all the space in between. The room at the top of the tower was very gold. Perhaps made of gold? A small puzzle was all that was really in it. Simple enough, he just moved more statues to pads. This revealed the boss key for him to take and be on his merry way.

A large staircase led to the boss room, and the climb up revealed a new enemy! The 'blue fairy' was impossible to just get past, as it fired the beam constantly. However after some experimentation, the blue 'eye' was shattered by an arrow.

The red fairy was a different story, Link arrogantly knocked an arrow to fire, but his chest was merely hit dead on with the laser beam before he could fire. So instead he ran past them.

The gold door was chained over as per usual; strange blue runes lined the doorway though. As if this was the power source for the whole tower…. Which it probably is.

This room was covered with the runes in all directions. Large amounts of the runes coated the small moat running around the center of the room. A large statue was indented in the wall on the other side.

"Oh chosen one… you have grown much to come this far…" The runes glowed around the statue. "Now accept this final challenge." The statue burst from the wall, and floated around.

"It's flying. I doubt my sword will be of much use." Link pondered, circling out of the way of the floating boss.

"Very perceptive young warrior, I wish you the best." The statue clapped.

"… You wish me the best? What the fuck?" Link stopped and just tilted.

"Believe me, you're not the first to be confused. Oh, I'm the arbiter of the gods: Gohdan," Gohdan winked happily.

"Okay… let's do this fight thing now?" Link asked with a shrug.

"Oh! Right oh!" Gohdan then punched Link's entire body, sending it into a wall on the other side of the room.

"Sonofabitch!" Link shouted in pain after recovering. His opponent advanced and opened his palms, keeping a small breath of space. However, on the palms of Gohdan's floating hands were green_eyes_. "SONOFABITCH!" Link repeated, only more angry. Both eyes were now closed after the hail of arrows from Links bow.

Gohdan's eyes opened expectantly, only to be shut again from another hail of arrows. Once all eyes were shut, Gohdan's mouth opened and he fell to the ground. On a hunch, Link tossed a bomb into his mouth.

Gohdan was weakened visibly, "Nice!" Link grunted happily and fired another arrow salvo at the hand eyes on Gohdan, but before the second eye could be shot closed, Link ran out of arrows. "Shit!"

Several arrows dropped from Gohdan's nose.

"Damn I'm out of arrows." Link shouted.

"I just dropped some right there!" Gohdan pointed.

"Yes… from your nose… I'm not using those!" Then, on a very wild impulse Link pulled his sword out and knocked it as an arrow.

"You're kidding right?" Gohdan shouted.

"NOPE!" Link fired his sword, and it took out Gohdan's right eye. The bomb managed to finish the arbiter off.

"Hero, you have been granted passage, but the gods warn… to watch yourself… Retard!" Gohdan grumbled the last bit, still annoyed to have a sword lodged in his eye. Regardless, he snorted out a heart container for Link.

"… I'm not taking that…" With his words said, Link stepped into the teleporter.

The very top of the tower of the gods was a bell tower… the world's biggest bell tower. "Okay!" Link rang the bell of the gods feeling an old magic swell around the tower.

After that Link was teleported back to the bottom of the tower with King. "OH Lad you did quite well… I'm very proud of you!" Link flashed him a cheeky grin and thumbs up. "You're pretty banged up. Are you okay? Didn't you get a heart container?"

"Fell out of his nose… didn't want it!"

King sighed in exasperation. "Very well… where's your sword?"

"I ran out of arrows."

"What! What does that possibly have to do with… You didn't!" King shouted.

"Yup… My sword is lodged in Gohdan's eye…"

"How will you survive dungeons?"

"No idea…"

_**Chapter end.**_

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**Okay sorry it took so long to get this chapter ready; I took to much time writing that lemon. Which got in the way of this my main story.**

**So this chapter is a good example of what I've been doing lately. When I started this story a long time ago, Link was an annoying stoner type, crack fic character. I didn't want to do that so instead I changed him, so that he's more serious. While at the same time the story stays funny as well as lighthearted.**

**I'm sorry for the wait on this one the next chapter will be the shortest by far most likely. Because it's really only going to be Link in Hyrule the first time.**

**Please review for you have read.**


	11. The Master sword

**This chapter will be shorter as I previously stated. It should be a lot of fun to write too.**

**Read and review**

**(Chapter Eleven: The Master Sword)

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**

"Now, with the blessing of the Gods, we go forth into the land under the waves, to retrieve that which may defeat Ganondorf!" King stated, proud and bold. Link nodded in determination as the pair rode into the circle of light.

The boat descended into the water, Link held his breath in mild panic. Then he drew in a long breath from… the strange grey ocean. After a short time, they landed in a pool of crystalline water. Link stepped out immediately, feeling around to check if his surroundings were real.

They were.

"King… what is this…?"

"A land forgotten by its people, and forsaken by its gods!" King sounded almost angry.

"This… doesn't feel natural. It's air under the sea, so of course that's strange. There's more though… something in the air. Why's everything grey?"

"I couldn't say for sure…"

Link nodded, not caring much for this place, "Tell me what to do so we can leave!"

Something seemed off in the boat's eyes… indignant and sad. "Very well…" He indicated the hallway behind Link. "Follow this path, and you shall face a puzzle. Solving it shall give you the weapon to defeat Ganon. Now go… I don't want to be here longer than we need to."

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Link shouted, turned, and advanced down the hallway.

This was a castle… clearly. Royal emblems, flags, and cloths of every flamboyant color decorated the halls. Most of it in tatters, no doubt with age. The damage seemed to escalate the deeper Link adventured into the abandoned castle. No sense could be made of the destroyed furniture and ripped tapestries, until he saw something he didn't want to see often. Blood. Hard to tell as it was grey in this monochrome world, but it was blood Link could just feel it.

Hissing through his teeth Link sprinted deeper into the castle. Demons didn't bleed. Humans did, but demons cause it, "Damn it!"

Sure enough, the main chamber held most of them; other hallways had a few as well, but all throughout the castle…

Were Ganon's minions, the darknuts and the moblins.

"Damn damn damn!" Link shouted. Very quickly, it became apparent that these beasts were frozen in time. Although this thought didn't make Link feel very much better. "How…" Link walked aimlessly through the monsters, who were, for the most part, appeared to still be in combat. "Why…?"

He reached the ground floor again and looked around, only seeing large blocks and a large painted symbol. "Link… you've your destination, now find the hidden door to the basement… the puzzle before you bars the way."

"I see…" Link noticed the triangular shape of the blocks, smirked, and made quick work of the puzzle.

The last block slid into place. The whole of the blocks fell into the design disappearing, but the design bled bright gold light into the world of grey. The light assaulted Link's senses and near blinded him for a moment. When the light dimmed and Link regained his vision, something else assaulted his sense of hearing and deafened him for a while. Holding his ears closed Link looked up to see the statue of a warrior… dressed like him… "… The Hero of Hime…" Link murmured, remembering the old legends. He advanced to the moved statue, and down the newly revealed stairs.

The basement of a castle, Link huffed in amusement. It was still nicer than anything on the great sea. The many stained glass windows surrounded the moat, which surrounded the island where a pedestal sat.

The pedestal itself had a blade protruding from it. A large sword with a blue hilt and stainless steel blade. Link approached it carefully. "This is…"

"… The Master Sword." King's voice coming from the stone sent ripples through the air.

"This can defeat Ganondorf?" Link tilted his head.

"No…"

The green clad warrior felt a vein pop in his head, rage barreled up his throat to scream at The King. "WHAT!" He was livid. "You said this could defeat him!"

"The blade wont defeat him… you will. The sword's just here to help!"

Link smirked and let off a chuckle. "Could you be any cheesier?"

King didn't reply, but Link took a deep breath and placed both hands on the legendary blade. With a swift pull and a grunt, Link pulled the blade almost effortlessly from its pedestal. When the blade left its resting place, an invisible energy filled the room. It swirled around Link and through the air, and color drained back into the world. It only made Link even more aware of how wonderful this castle looked. The suits of armor that surrounded Link lowered their blades in respect. Link nodded, gave his new weapon a look over, then did a few test swings. "Not bad!"

"Does it work for you?"

"It'll do!"

"Oh don't be cocky lad!" King chided him with a laugh. "That's a blade forged by the gods made of pure steel. Show it a little respect."

"Now now King, I agree it's a nice sword. Certainly I'll enjoy having something that's hilt is not equal to the size of the blade."

**(A/N: Seriously… it is the damn blade you start with that's how it is)**

"Now lad, I don't wish to alarm you, but you should understand that life has returned to this place."

Link said nothing, his expression didn't change. Though anyone who looked close would see that his knuckles holding the sword had turned white with strain. "On it!"

The monsters were surprised, to say the least. All of their prey from moments ago were now gone. The demons all shared an incredulous look, then began patrolling the area.

Climbing up the stair set, Links knuckles turned blue with the strain of holding his sword so tightly. The statue of the hero of time slid back into place, loudly reminiscent of nails on a chalk board.

This, of course, did not go unnoticed by the surrounding demons. Two moblins charged Link, spears flying. Link ducked the first spear and knocked it away with his shield. The other moblin dropped its spear in surprise, thus leaving it open to be torn apart by several quick slashes. Link spun around and decapitated the first.

A darknut clashed swords with Link, then our hero parried the blade and tore apart the armor. He defeated the beast with a few more swipes.

This continued with a few more hours while Link slaughtered demon after demon. Moblins were decapitated; darknuts were disemboweled. Every demon that fell reminded Link how many they undoubtedly killed themselves. It didn't really make him feel any better, although he felt an enjoyment as the blood of his enemies flowed through the ancient halls.

"Just wait 'till I see you Ganon. I'll do a lot worse." Link muttered as he made his way out of the 'now' empty castle.

"Very good! You have the Master Sword!" King near cheered as the two began their assent.

"Let's go kill Ganon…" Link said with an extremely dark inflection.

"And save your sister!"

"… Right." Link grunted affirmatively.

_**Chapter end

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**_

**It may surprise some of my readers to know that I have actually written a few chapters of this story in advance. (I was on a roll) So unless I'm murdered in some racial conflict, you can expect regular posts, (probably weekly) until the stories complete.**


	12. Saving Aryll

**Hello readers and assorted people who look at the computer over the reader's shoulder. I'm posting regularly now so look forward to new chapters every few days.**

**Read and review.**

**(Chapter twelve: Saving Aryll)

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**

King and Link were like a bullet streaking across the sea, driving waves in both directions. Link was intent as all Hell on saving his sister and slaying Ganon. King was growing increasingly worried; Link was sailing in such a straight line to the Forsaken Fortress, it looked like he was going to hit the oncoming hurricane.

"Lad?" King's voice wavered.

"We'll be okay... we'll just go right through it." Link assured the worried boat.

"Lad!" King shouted as they hit the cyclone.

"What the Hell!" Link shouted as the cyclone grabbed him off the water. "Damn it!" A red glint was in the cyclone. "PUT! ME! DOWN!" Link shouted, pulling his bow out and firing three arrows into the cloud.

"Ow!" The tornado dissipated, revealing a large red frog on a cloud. "Boy... what the HELL! Why'd you shoot me?"

"You picked up my boat?" Link posed almost as a question.

"Fair enough!" The frog laughed and patted Link's head. "I am Cyclos, god of cyclones! Who are you?"

"I'm Link… any relation to… Zephos?"

"Aye, he is my brother, why that reminds me of an old story!"

"AH! Sorry, but I'm on my way to the Forsaken Fortress. To kill Ganon! … For what it's worth."

Cyclos looked Link right in the eye. "The Master Sword!" He murmured when his eyes skipped over to Link's sword. "Maybe you can. Well please don't allow me to hold you up!" The frog god's eyes widened, then after a moment of thought, they narrowed schemingly. "Here, but allow me give you a gift to help you end this nightmare all the sooner. Young hero, learn now, the Ballad of Gales."

"Hero?" Link asked himself as the frog bobbed around in 3/4 time. Thus, Link learned the ballad of gales.

"I wish you the best young hero! Allow my cyclones to carry you across the sea!" With that Cyclos took off into the sky.

"Cool!" Link muttered and swung the Wind Waker, summoning a cyclone to carry him to the Forsaken Fortress.

Link growled like a vicious dog when he caught sight of the cursed isle.

"How do you want to sneak in lad?" King asked as they cruised toward the fortress.

The sail flew up for a moment, rocketing them to the island. While riding the speed Link brought out the cannon. "Sneak?" Link laughed as he blew down turrets and the gate.

King sighed. "Yes. What was I thinking!" The boat sweat dropped.

Link hit the dock, preparing to sprint into the fortress.

"Lad!" King held him back. "You are far more capable, and far far _far_ more readily equipped. Do not forget who you're going against. Ganon will be ready with distractions… at the very least."

The green clad swordsman nodded drawing the Master Sword with a white knuckled grip. "Yes sir!"

King smiled proudly. "Good. Now go forth and repel the evil from this sea!"

Link headed up to the main level, completely ignoring the lights shining on him. He turned to see the staircase was blocked by some spiked barricades. "Damn, that's the quickest way to Ganon…" Instead he headed for the large door on the other side, which was locked. "Maybe I can climb over the barricade?"

"Only if you beat me!" A voice shouted from nowhere.

"GOD?" Link asked the sky.

Phantom Ganon tapped his shoulder, "Over here!"

"Oh… Who are you?" Link asked with a head tilt, drawing his sword.

"I am Phantom Ganon now prep-," The ghoul was cut off when Link began viciously hacking at his opponent. "What are you doing?" Phantom Ganon shouted, floating away from Link.

"Killing Ganon… you… it's my job…" Link was determined when it began, but now he was a little confused.

"No No No NO NO! You're supposed to let me charge up an attack spell to throw at you, then you reflect it and we go back and forth till one of us is hit."

"That's stupid. You're stupid!" Link pointed an accusing finger at Phantom Ganon. "Can't I just stab you in the head, I mean come on Ganon!"

"Well I'm not really. I'm Phantom Ganon. I work for Ganon, and you can't beat me until you learn to play tennis! … Er I mean reflect energy!"

"Could you be any... lamer?" Link was stunned.

Phantom Ganon shrugged and tossed an energy ball.

**(They played tennis and Phantom Ganon was hit)**

Link walked up to the downed Phantom and sunk the Master Sword into his skull with both hands. The Phantom was defeated with a puff of smoke. "Pfft." Link scoffed. "I knew that would work!"

A chest burst into existence in the middle of the battlefield. Link kicked it open, and drew his new favorite side weapon. The skull hammer! Then, out of a very classic burst of curiosity, Link experimentally smashed the blockade with the hammer. The young hero then beat his way through the fortress, trashing everything in his way. He reached Aryll's tower. He almost broke the door off its hinges in the rush to get his sister back.

Link felt his angst, rage and bloodlust dissipate entirely when he saw his sister safe. Sad, but safe. He crossed the room with long confident stride. The giant bird could drop in, but he didn't care. He'd kill it with his bare hands.

Aryll went wide-eyed and rubbed her eyes in confusion when she saw her brother. "Link!" She shook her head in total confusion. "You're… alive? And armed to the fucking teeth!" Aryll shouted, seeing all his weapons protruding from his back or a pocket.

"Aryll! Language!" Link scolded her, his big brother instincts had kicked back in.

"Now let's get you out of here." Link moved to the door, and tried to open it via the door knob.

"It won't open that easily!" A voice called tauntingly from behind him.

Link felt adrenaline swell within him, as he spun around drew his sword and pointed it at those who appeared behind him.

The two grown men jumped back in fear, but their captain, the young Miss Tetra, showed no fear at all, even as the sword was only a millimeter from her nose. "Why hello to you too, Link!" Tetra merely smirked at the jumpiness.

"Tetra!" Link was ashamed that he drew his sword on an ally…? Friend? … Well no. Really, he was just ashamed he drew his sword on a girl. "Sorry. It's been a long week."

"I bet!" She laughed then ordered her men to tear the door off. "I mean we actually had to lure the bird off."

"Not that I don't appreciate it Tetra, but I'm actually relatively sure I could kill it." Link smiled.

Tetra smirked again. ""ho's to say. Can't really tell until it happens!" She added her wink. "However, if you should happen to kill it, I will be_grateful._"

This made our favorite hero jump slightly, and blush profusely. Then a clunk of the door coming off alerted Link.

Aryll stepped out of the jail. The other two were carried out and to the ship.

Link smiled and dropped to his knees, wrapping his little sister in a full hug.

"Link!" She sobbed into his shoulder. "I missed you so fucking much!"

"Aryll, language." Link murmured happily.

After the hug, Link stood up and turned back to Tetra, who was strangely wide-eyed at the moment. "That sword!"

Link raised an eyebrow at her.

"It looks familiar, not sure why. I think I saw it in a book once!"

Link struggled not to laugh at the thought. After all, it is legendary. He shrugged, "Maybe... it's a common design." Link told the white lie then returned his attention to his sister.

Gonzo returned at that moment. "Miss, we are ready to ship out."

Tetra didn't turn her head, but her gaze settled on him. "Ah Gonzo you're just in time. Take this one as well."

Links eyes widened, and he swept in front of his sister protectively.

The pirate flinched back, and his captain quirked an eyebrow at the hero. "Oh? ... Were you planning on getting her out of here?" He looked to the ground. "Now don't you worry. We'll take her back to your island free of charge." Gonzo threw Aryll over his shoulder, and left. "Normally you'd pay big time, but I suppose I like having you deeper in my debt." Tetra smirk winked at him.

Link smiled, and crossed his arms. "Debt, captain?"

She smiled back. "The boat ride makes up for forest incident. The bombs make up for the catapult. Now I have distracting the bird, and escorting your sister. You owe me." The bird cawed over head as it circled the tower.

"How did you distract the bird?" Link asked off-handedly.

"Niko was very brave." Tetra said almost with a laugh. "You're in my debt now swabbie, get to work." Tetra headed for the door.

"Yes, captain!" Link answered with a laugh.

"Link... I... We'll be back!" She gave him her signature look. "I swear it."

"Pinky swear?" Link held up his finger with a snicker.

Tetra rolled her eyes shook her head, and went out the door.

The door shut behind her. "You're going soft, captain." Link muttered absently while heading for the staircase. He turned when he heard a soft bubbling noise behind him. "Whaa?" His eyes widened when he realized water was filling the room. The large bird finally made its appearance.

"Hey bird!" Link shouted.

The helmaroc turned his attention to Link.

"Fuck you!" Link growled then sprinted up the spiraling staircase. The bird repeatedly tried to rip Link off the scaffolding, but failed to do much of anything. The top of the tower was in sight when the helmaroc king planted itself between Link and freedom. "Outta my way!" Link shouted and smacked the large bird in the face with his skull hammer.

The helmaroc wobbled, then fell into a spiral into the still rising water.

Link snickered. "Allow the pot to come to an even boil, cook the chicken for a good twenty to thirty minutes and season to taste."

"Lad, shut up. Everyone knows you can't cook." King hollered through the stone.

Everyone's favorite hero hung his head in defeat, and headed for the path to Ganon. A loud shifting and a caw alerted Link, who spun around on the balls of his feet drew his skull hammer, shouting, "COME ON!"

The bird circled a few times, landed, then walked to Link. The peck helmaroc launched at Link was easily dodged with a back flip. His beak was then imbedded into the ground. Link smacked the birds mask with his hammer. On a particularly hard swing he cracked the mask in half. Helmaroc took off again, Link fired a few arrows at the bird who shook his head in pain. The Helmaroc landed and cawed threateningly. It swung its beak down again, and Link let him have it. He tore apart the birds face. The helmaroc king flew out over the fortress. All the spot lights focused on him, and he fell to the ground, finally dead.

Upon closer inspection via his telescope, Link noticed that the spotlights were named by one of Tetras crew.

Finally Link turned towards Ganon's shack up above the fortress. He climbed the winding slope to the destroyed ship.

Link stood up tall and took a nice deep breath. He readied his weapon and the door opened.

The silence was thick. Link approached Ganon's black cloaked form. "So you're the one… You've been killing my servants, and undermining my might."

"With a smile on my face!" Link grunted smugly.

"Silence child. Your sister is free. Why not leave me to my devises." Ganon posed thoughtfully.

"I don't know what you're after, but I know you'll stop at nothing to get it!" Link shouted as he reached critical.

"Mind your tongue, boy! Remember who speak to… I am Ganondorf-," He cut himself off. "What are you doing!"

Link took a look at the skull hammer. "What? ... I used the new weapon on all the other bosses."

"I am no mere boss monster!" Ganon shouted. "The Master sword is the only weapon that will work on me."

Link nodded. "Good to know!" Then he charged Ganon sword drawn.

Only to get smacked down.

"Yes, this may be a bad time!" Ganon laughed sarcastically. "But drawing that sword from its pedestal gave me back my magic, also it's dull." He pointed his newly drawn blade at Link. "So go tell the gods who made that sword to suck a di-," Ganon was cut off by a small thump behind. "Wha!"

Tetra sprinted toward Ganon with a smirk, ran up his chest and kicked him across the face. She jumped back to Link where he was downed. "Link GET UP! How are you gonna pay me back if you die!" She ordered. That was before Ganon grabbed her by her neck.

"Pitiful little sea rat!" He rubbed his chin idly. "How dare yo-…" Ganon stopped when his hand began to glow. "AH Finally I found you… Princess Zelda."

Tetra's eyes widened. "Okay two things! One, I ain't no 'Princess Zelda!' Two! You are absolutely hideous from this distance." She managed to choke out a laugh.

"Damn straight." Link laughed. Then the green clad hero's eyes widened in horror when Tetra's body went limp. "Tetra!"

Ganon's attention went to Link for a moment, then back to Tetra who was now gone. Then back to Link who was also gone. When he looked out the window after them, all he could see was an incredible inferno. Barreling right towards him.

They'd gotten away.

_**Chapter end!

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**This was a point in the game I had roughly planned out since the begging of the story, originally I was going to make Ganon an absolute nut job, because Wind Waker Ganondorf has obviously lost his damn mind. Also, he really let himself go... So I was going to have him be a crack fic incarnate character. This changed as I was writing it. Because I had planned on Link being angry and serious WHILE Ganon was being crazy... and that just didn't seem possible.**

**The next chapter will bring us into the second act of the game, so look forward to it... probably next Friday... maybe Saturday.**

**Please review.**


	13. Princess Zelda

**Now, my dear readers, we find ourselves in the second act of the story. From here on out, it may become more (or less) dramatic.**

**Keep looking for the weekly posts and please review.**

***This has been edited***

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**(Chapter Thirteen: Princess Zelda)**

The Rito, Prince Komali, carried Tetra all the way to the Tower of the Gods. The Rito mailman, Quill, carried Link first to Windfall because, "He just _had_ to have a churro…" Then off to the Tower of the Gods.

Now both teens rested in the King of Red Lions, Link, in a pained state of melancholy and Tetra, in more of a just state of unconsciousness. Link watched Tetra's labored, uneven breathing. He scowled at his inability to defeat Ganon.

King was having a Hylian chat with Valoo and Link could care less. When the conversation ended, they descended into the light again.

Link sat with Tetra in the boat for a good while until he let out a low sigh and held his head in his hands.

"Oye my head is killing me!"

Link turned to see Tetra sitting upright, wincing in pain and holding her forehead. "Tetra! You're okay!"

She gave him a weak smile. "Yeah! … But I have a pretty bad headache… Where are we though?"

He took a moment to look around. "You know… I'm not totally sure." He didn't feel it was necessary to scare her that they were underwater.

"What happened to the ugly, fat guy?"

"Ganondorf?"

"Yeah him."

"I… don't know. A dragon set him on fire, but I doubt that would kill him." He sighed in defeat. "What about you though…" Link paused, then began again with an accusatory tone. "Why'd you show up?"

"Couldn't let you have all the fun!" Tetra laughed with a wince.

"You could have died!" Link shouted.

"If I hadn't shown up, you'd already have been dead!" Tetra snapped back.

"SO!" Link shouted, stunning her. "I went against Ganon unprepared. My stupidity almost deserves death! You would have died saving me from my own stupidity!" He let out a shaky sigh, then cast his eyes back down.

"Link?" She set a hand on his shoulder.

Clasping his hand over hers, he looked back up into her eyes. "I don't want you or anyone else to die because of MY stupidity or failures." He stated this quite strong, so much so that it impressed Tetra.

"Do you still smoke pot?"

"No… I quit. I don't like plants much anymore…" Link shuddered.

Tetra nodded, then smiled in realization, pounding her fist into an open palm. "Okay, I get it now."

She looked back at Link who was holding the pirate charm, and listening to a man's voice. "Wait a minute… that's not me. Who are you talking to? Who is this?" She asked.

"Uhm…"

The man muttered.

"Only me and Link are allowed to use this stone, but if you pay me forty rupees, I'll give you a thirty minute a week subscription. Or! You can add four lines into a family plan for an extra fifty rupees. OR-," Tetra went on and on until her pupils began to resemble the shape of rupees.

Link winced.

The voice in the stone interrupted her. "Oh yes… you are definitely the Tetra that I've heard so much about. You best come with Link."

"You've heard about me? From who?" Tetra asked seriously, then her eyes narrowed and looked over her shoulder back at Link. "Never mind."

The stone deactivated and Tetra jumped into the pool of water. "Coming Link?" Then she climbed the steps into the castle.

Link sighed and followed, knowing full well that if his life was a movie, right now there'd be a screaming black person in the back telling him not to go in there.

He should have listened.

She didn't hit him, didn't scream at him. All she did was ask a long series of questions that made him feel awkward in a way only a girl could ever really do.

"So you talk about me?"

"… Yeah."

"To who?"

"My… friend…"

"Do I know him?"

"No…"

"Do you say mean things?"

"No!"

"Do you make fun of me?"

"… No"

"What else do you talk about?"

"My job."

"Who else do you talk about?"

"My sister, Ganon, the Ritos, the Koroks."

"A lot of time to talk, eh?"

"We spend a lot of time sailing."

"What all do you say about me?"

"… The catapult."

"So it is mean stuff!"

"Not all of it!"

"There's nice stuff?"

Link blushed.

"Do you say I'm pretty?"

"Uhm… hey look! We found the basement! Let's go!" Link was jubilant when they reached the entrance to the basement.

Tetra completely abandoned her questions. Now she was intent on finding out about who was using her stone.

A large man in a red cloak stood in the middle of the chamber facing away from them.

"So you're the one using my stone! I believe you owe me some money!"

"Your stone is merely a modified version of the royal family's gossip stone. I made it. Well… my sweat shop did. They made hundreds in fact. Yours is really nothing special."

Tetra just pouted and stuck her lip out.

The man that faced them had a familiar look about him, but Link couldn't place it.

"Hey Link. It's me. The King of Red Lions."

Links jaw hit the floor. "But right now, we have two things to deal with. Link, you need to go to the temples of Earth and Wind. Then you reactivate the sword." King nodded.

"Can't I just change the batteries?" Link whined.

"No. Go to the temples. I'll go with you." King patted Link's head.

"Yeah, 'cause you've proven to be so useful in a sword fight…" Link muttered.

"Don't worry Link!" Tetra patted his back. "I'll go with you!" She gave him a reassuring smile.

"No you won't." King stated firmly.

"No I won't?" Tetra stated questioningly.

"Why not!" Tetra snapped after thinking for a moment.

"…" King stared at her for a moment. "Oh yeah! Sorry, I totally forgot." He wove his hand at her. "Come here!"

Tetra looked to Link who just shrugged. She took a step forward nervously.

King lifted his hand to his eye level. A flash of light revealed a small Golden triangle floating in his hand. "Your necklace is part of a greater treasure: The Triforce of Wisdom!" A larger triangle with a smaller triangle cut out appeared in his other hand.

Tetras eyes widened. She, in a fluid motion snatched her necklace and smacked King right across the face.

"Woah! Tetra what the Hell!" Link shouted, jumping.

"That's my necklace!" She shouted back, hugging her necklace to her chest.

"So?" Link gestured with his arm.

"Link, have you ever seen my necklace!"

"No…" He quirked his head to the side.

"That's because I wear it_under my shirt!_" She hissed in his face.

Tetra blushed in embarrassment, then screeched again in his face. "Yeah, like with my_bra_!"

"Yeah…" Link nodded. "How'd you do that?" Link asked King.

"Magic." King shot his hand out to the side and fired confetti out of his hand.

"You're gonna have to show me that sometime." Link stated. "It could be useful."

Tetra gave Link a cold stare. "The ability to get into a girl's shirt without them knowing?" She growled.

"Well uhm… hehehe…" Link rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Ah young love." King murmured with a laugh.

"Shut it!" The teenagers screamed at him with angry and embarrassed blushes.

"Well enough flirting. Time to introduce, Princess Zelda." The king slammed the two Triforce pieces together. A large gold light flooded the room.

The light dissipated and Tetra was gone. Some pale girl in a dress stood in her place. She wore a lot of make-up and jewels as well. "Well… I guess I am a princess. Jeez, I'm gonna eat my words next time I see Ganon."

Link looked around, walked over behind a pillar of stone and came back. "Hey, have you guys seen Tetra?"

Zelda stared at him. "Link… it's me… Well I'm Zelda now."

Link made a face.

King sighed. "Okay seriously guys. Zelda, you need to stay here for now. You'll be okay in this place. Link, we must return to the sea and find the temples." With that, King teleported back to his boat body.

The hero made a move to leave when the princess stopped him. "Link wait…" He turned to find her staring down, holding a hand to her chest daintily. "Link I'm, I'm… sorry. Everything's my fault. I-," She stopped speaking when Link jabbed her in the forehead with his index finger. "Uhm… yes Link?"

"What did King do to you?" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Where'd Tetra go!"

"I'm… right here." She murmured, not really sure herself.

"Do you feel different?" Link sighed again.

"Not really. It just all caught up to me at the same time. Plus, I'm in a dress. That always puts me in a bad mood."

Link smiled and patted her head. "There you are. Now stay there." He pulled her into a hug. "Now stay here while I go charge my sword's batteries."

She smiled into his chest. "Don't go all mushy on me here."

Link released her, "Yes, captain." He took a few steps back, and gave her a quick wave. He then ran out of the chamber.

**_Chapter End._**

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**Ah nice bit of fluff in the dark world of living under Ganon's thumb. Next chapter in a week.**

**Also, don't forget to review and vote for the ending in the poll on my profile page.**


	14. The Earth Sage

**This chapter was not my favorite... because I feel like I missed something... but I can't put my finger on it! If anyone can think of what I may have forgotten please let me know.

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**(Chapter fourteen: The Earth Sage)

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"Hmmm?" Link sat in King's back "This sucks." Link had spent the last four days running around on the sea, trying to find a way to move the headstone on Headstone Isle. "I've killed several giant octos. I have a larger wallet, huge bomb bags and huge quiver. The magical upgrade from that fairy, a bunch of bottles. The magic armor is pretty cool, but none of this will move the GOD DAMN STONE!"

"Relax lad… I have an idea!" King suddenly perked up. Link looked to him in surprise. "There's one place we haven't gone. I think the Queen of Fairies might be able to help." King pulled out the sea chart and an island cluster began to glow. "There!" The royal boat shouted.

Link nodded, then conducted the Ballad of Gales. This time, though Link found himself not in the sea, but in a largish pool in a tranquil grove. "Woah..." He looked around quietly. "Well this is different."

"Yeah?"

"Well of course, I mean look at this place. It's a beautiful forest grove. I'm used to landing on endless ocean."

"Well thank you, I do try to keep my home looking lovely."

"Wha-AHHH!" Link turned to King's head, only to find a strange silver girl sitting on the boats figure head.

"Hiya!"

"… Hi!" Link smiled. "Uhm… I am…"

"Do not worry, I am the Fairy Queen. I already know why you're here." She nodded. "Yes, you need the ability to greater defend that which you love!" She giggled.

Link blushed then shouted. "I don't love Tetra!"

The fairy queen sweat dropped, then grinned maliciously. "I was talking about the Great Sea."

King snickered.

Link rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "So… about that ability?"

The Fairy Queen grinned more sincerely this time. "Yes yes, I have just what you need. Me and my children will grant you a great power."

_Children?_ Link thought to himself with a wince remembering that he had four of the fairy 'children' in his bottles.

"Receive the fairy's gift now. The power to melt the coldest ice," A red fairy appeared and flew into Link, "The power to freeze the hottest flames!" Sweetly she smiled again as a blue fairy went straight through Link. "Use these fire and ice arrows to send Ganon to the Hell he belongs to!"

"You scare the crap outta me!" Link laughed.

He blushed when, out of nowhere, the Fairy Queen pressed her lips to his cheek. "You're cute and brave; you are just my type!"

Link bowed. "Thank you, your majesty," With that, Link left the mother grove via the cyclone he rode in on. "Well that's pretty cool." Link thought aloud as they began sailing. "Fire and ice arrows… Fire and… ICE ARROWS!" Link shouted the latter quite enthusiastically.

"Lad?" King shouted after they touched down off the shore of the new island.

"I remember this island from when I filled the sea chart. 'Fire Island'." Link explained.

"Lad, it's an active volcano."

"She did say freeze the hottest flames." Link muttered to himself and tried to notch an ice arrow.

"But it's an active volcano!" King shouted. "What can you possibly find in there?"

Link stared into the horizon while the wind whipped his hair. Then, with a determined gleam in his eye, he spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. "The truth!"

…

"PFFT HAHAHAHA." Both hero and boat broke out laughing rancorously. Link fell into the water, and bobbed back up a moment later. Both laughed and shouted, nearing tears. "Li-Link, ha ha, what the Hell was that!"

Link clung to the boat to stay afloat, still laughing. "I-I'm not quite sure!"

"Alright. If you're done being stupid, you can go freeze an active volcano."

"So I get to keep being stupid?" Link smiled.

"Yeah sure…" King muttered.

Link cheered and shot an ice arrow into the lava spewing from the volcano. It froze immediately, and Link was then able to climb up a slightly warm rock. "King… I am not even remotely able to see my house from here!"

"Lad! Go do your suicide mission!"

"'Kay!" Link jumped into the mouth of the volcano.

_Hot…_ Link thought aloud. Looking around, there were a few keese flying about. Link shot them down with his bow. There was lava with rock pads floating in it. Link hopped across them into a new area. He winced when he realized the lava behind him was growing in temperature. "Shit!" He rushed at the pair of magtails before him and impaled each in the eye. When both dropped, a chest appeared. "Yes!" Link shouted. He opened the chest to find a disappointment. "Fuck!" He shouted. "Jewelry?" He cursed, putting on the bracelets regardless, fighting the heat, and made for the way out. All he found was a door blocked by a headstone rock. "Damn!" Link cursed a few more times. The lava grew closer, and Link punched the statue as hard as he could. He was extremely surprised that he felt no pain. Looking up, he found his arm painlessly sunk into the stone.

The confused hero withdrew his arm from the stone, which is when he saw the bracelets were glowing in the oddest manner. "No way…" Link, out of his constant curiosity, swatted the statue aside with his arm. "Oh dear sweet Din… I'm Superman!" Then just to prove it, he ran into a beam of light and flew out of the volcano.

"Lad…? Are you okay!" King shouted up to where Link was standing.

"Yeah, I think so." Link spoke in a numb weak voice. He then climbed down the defused volcano. "I don't think it's active anymore; let's go to the Earth Temple."

"What about the headstone?" King asked when Link hopped in.

"I can move it." Link explained, examining his new bracelets.

"That's a gay bracelet, lad." King snickered.

Link scowled, then grinned mischievously.

When they arrived, Link immediatly marched to the stone, picked it up and launched it right at King. "Holy-," The stone barely grazed him, but King was still thrown for a loop.

"Still think it's a gay bracelet?"

"Tweet tweet… yellow birdy." King muttered in a daze.

"Very good!" Link nodded and entered the cavern. All that was present was a large stone slab. Written on the stone were many Hylian words, and a Wind Waker song. Link rolled his eyes with a laugh then played the Earth God's Lyric. The wind began to swirl and Link felt a presence behind him. He was shocked when he turned around. "You have got to be shittin' me!"

There was a finely dressed ethereal fish behind him. "Hello young Waker of the Winds."

"You're a ghost?" Link shouted as he punched large dents in the cave wall. "What now!"

The sage nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry the beasts in this place have rendered my soul from my body… You will need to find my replacement… I realize this must be an inconvenience… I'm sorry."

"Yeah..." Link sighed. "You know it's always something. I mean don't get me wrong, you know, sorry you're dead and all. It just never ends. You're dead, I need to find a new one. Then I'm sure your temple not only filled with demons, but also death traps and puzzles."

"I'm afraid so…" The sage looked down.

"Man… any idea where they may be?"

"Well my kind evolved from scales and fins, to wings and feathers. Also, my descendants should carry this instrument." The sage held up the harp which had been on her back.

"…" Link stared at the harp then slapped his forehead upon realizing. "Well alright thanks… and good luck said with the whole, 'being dead thing'." Link said the last part a little too energetically.

The sage was a bit insulted. "The afterlife isn't that bad. Your parents know how to throw a great barbeque."

Link winced, with a laugh. "Low blow. Hey, ask my dad about his great sushi!" The sage smirked in annoyance and disappeared. Link marched back out to king. "Come, King. Let's set off for Dragon Roost!"

"Island?"

"No... Dragon Roost Pub, it's on Windfall. The beer's a little more expensive, but the ribs are great."

King sweat dropped, Link hopped in and played the Ballad of Gales. The boat touched down on the beach of Dragon Roost Island. "Why are we here, lad?"

"Never mind, I will be back in a minute." Link explained quickly while jumping from the boat. He ascended the island swiftly while scouring the populos.

"Hey Link what brings you here?" A voice asked from his left.

"Huh?" Link turned to find one of his fine feathered friends to the left of him.

"Quill? What's up buddy ho-,"

"Link!" Quill cut him off.

"Yeah?" Link jumped back.

"I can fly!" The mailman then took off and up the mountain.

The Waker of the Winds followed his friend with his eyes while he left. Then he caught sight of the one he was looking for. "Medli!" Link exclaimed when he reached her.

She turned around quickly. "OH hi Link!" He nodded. "How have you been? Oh Prince Komali's been asking about you, I'll get to tell him you're okay! Do you want to hear me play?" Medli was speaking very quickly.

"Hey Medli hyper down! How much caffeine have you had today?" Link jumped back.

"Seven cups of coffee, eight shots of espresso, three frappachinos, a latte, and a can of Monster, but who's counting." Medli laughed.

"And that's possible, how?" Link asked.

"Oh! Well after you killed that giant monster that terrorized the great Valoo's tail, they opened a Starbucks there."

"So it's still a place of great evil then!" Link thought out loud.

"Oh! Hey is that the Wind Waker! Can you conduct for me?" Medli noticed the conductor's baton hanging from Links pocket.

"Oh yeah sure." Link thought aloud and conducted the Earth God's Lyric. He heard her playing along, and when he finished, she had fallen asleep on her feet. She fell over on him and she barely caught her in time. She appeared to be dreaming. Link then sat her on the ground, and left to get a smoothie.

When Medli was finally coming around, Link had picked her back up just so she didn't know he had left. "Link… I'm the Earth Sage!" Medli jumped up and down.

"Yeah…! I already knew that!" Link shouted.

"So what's my temple like?" Medli asked enthusiastically.

"Well I haven't seen for myself, but I heard it's a dark pit full of traps and death!"

…

"NO! STOP! Link I don't wanna GO!" Medli squirmed about as Link carried her down the mountain, tied up with his grappling hook.

"Too late you're involved!" Link scolded as he threw her in the boat.

_**Chapter end**_

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**Well another chapter done! I don't want this to seem like I dislike Medli... This was just my best idea to make her funny!**

**Next chapter in a week.**

**Please review and vote in the poll before it's too late!**


	15. The Earth Temple

**Hello everyone, I am Terribly terribly sorry for my tardieness on this chapter, if you saw my profile you know that I was forced to take a break from my computer. I promise I will not falter in my schedule again!**

**Please Read and Review.

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**

_**(Chapter 15: The Earth Temple)

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"So this island holds the Earth Temple? It's not very big! Maybe this won't be too bad!" Medli half complained, but ultimately sounded relieved and happy.

Link was checking his equipment on the beach, he scowled noticing his shield was splintering. "Keep telling yourself that Medli, I'll protect you down there. Stay ready though."

"Down there?" Medli began sweating.

"Yes miss, the temple actually runs deep underground from this island. Link, you escort this young sage to the chamber, defeat the beasts along the way. For God's sake don't lose that sword too! And get it fixed!" King explained sagely.

"You should have let me bring Tetra, I have a feeling this is gonna be absolutely terrible!" Link scowled again.

"Link shut up!" King scolded. "The two of you would have ended up flirting your way into a teenage pregnancy!"

"You already lost a sword?" Medli asked, half too nervous to ask the question.

"I fired it out of my bow into the eye of a statue." Link explained calmly.

"Uhm… talking boat, sir?" Medli's eyes widened. "… I think I'd feel better if this Tetra was with us too."

"Shush child, no you wouldn't. Link pick up your toys and go kill everything."

"Fine…" Link whined and headed into the temple with Medli right behind him.

"Big rock!" Medli commented idly.

"Yeah… let's open it!"

"Open it?"

"The song."

"Oh right!" Medli readied her harp and played while Link conducted. When the Earth God's Lyric was finished the wall splintered and crumbled.

Behind the wall was a hole. Link stood on the edge, "Alright I'll go first. If you go down, they will tear you apart before you have time to scream." Link explained seriously.

"Really?" Medli asked fearfully and visibly shaken.

"No I'm just kidding!" Link laughed.

"Oh it's not really that bad then?" Medli looked relieved.

"No I mean you're going first." Link laughed wickedly.

"Wha-ahhh!" Medli screamed on the way down.

Link jumped after her then floated down. "You okay there?"

"You knew I would float down like that!" Medli hissed at him.

"Yeah. Stuff like this is everywhere!"

They moved on to the next room and Link signaled Medli to wait quietly while he quickly dispatched the moblin guard, but he didn't notice the other guard behind him. When the whistle of the spear through the air was heard, Link's hand shut up and caught it. Then he swung the spear over his head, the moblin holding it was thrown over him right onto its back. Link stabbed him right in the skull. At the sound of the third running towards him, Link spun and with the power of his bracelets fired an arrow into and through the beast's head.

Link surveyed the death around him with a sadistic and satisfied smile on his face.

Medli stared in awe. When his eyes turned to her she jumped slightly. "I take it back!" His left eyebrow rose. "… I'm sure I'll be more than safe with you. That was… incredible!" She smiled.

He nodded and smiled. Now that she trusted him, things would go a lot quicker.

And it did in only a matter of half an hour, they had delved much deeper into the dungeon. Link smiled his territorial grin, which was his signal for Medli to stop. There were two moblins ahead of him. He sprinted out and stabbed one to death. He tried to turn to the other, but found himself turned away from it, so he sprinted backwards. At the- "Bloody HELL!"

"Link you're possessed by an evil spirit!" Medli screeched.

"… How can you tell… do I just have that look about me?" Link continued to sprint around the room backwards, while the moblin laughed.

"Well yeah… there's a laughing skull mask above your head!" Medli then used her harp to wash Link in light and purify him. Link, now back in control of his motor skills, dispatched the moblin without the slightest of problems. However, one lantern still hung in the air. "Link that's another ghost!" Medli brought it from the ethereal plain with the light from her harp.

On his classic impulse, Link ran the ghost through his blade swinging in a wide arc. "Cool I killed a ghost!"

"Well it's not quite a ghost, poes are different. They're more like ethereal zombies!" Medli looked thoughtful. "My old master taught me about them, I doubted they were real until now."

"Medli don't ruin my awesome moments!" Link scolded her.

"Yes sir!" She looked down.

Link noticed that the nearby wall had turned into stairs. At the top of which were two doors. Link looked them over, one was locked, the other emitted an ear stabbing shriek when he looked at it. "Woah did you hear that!" Link was shocked when Medli shook her head in the negative.

For once Link actually felt some fear. He did not like it! "Stay here Medli!" he ordered.

"What if something comes?"

Link stared at the door. "I doubt it could be worse…" Not allowing for further argument he stepped right into the room. Which of course was a pit.

Five coffins stood upright in the pit. When Link dropped down, one in the middle opened and a key was presented, which Link collected quickly. "That was a little too-"

*THUD* _SCREEEE_

"Fuck!"

*THUD*_SCREEE__EE_

"ME!"

*THUD*_SCREEEEEE_

"RUNNING!" Link made a break for the escape, but the ladder was up to high.

"FUCK!" Link drew his sword and turned. He really wished he hadn't.

Blue skin, impossibly skinny, tribal earrings, a gaping blood thirsty maw, and beady red eyes with an ear piercing shriek. The redead, and it was in his face.

Link froze.

The zombie took advantage of his hesitance, and mounted his head. The monster bit down, and by the time Link shook it off, another took its place. Finally after all three had a turn, Link managed to perform the hurricane spin he learned from Orca. It efficiently killed (or rekilled) all three of the redeads.

The ladder finally dropped, and Link wasted no time in leaving. Albeit he was a little shaken.

"Oh my god, Link are you okay?" Medli was concerned.

"…I …I don't wanna talk about it." Link faced the locked door. "Oh God! There's probably like nine of them in here."

"Link?"

"Medli… stay here!" Link ordered softly and entered the locked room.

This room had an air of importance about it, Link looked around. A few coffins. He shivered, but advanced all the same.

A large skeleton with a mace burst from the ground.

"Thank you god!" Link cheered and set about decimating the beast. Its body fell apart, but its head bounced around. Link stabbed it dead, finally. Two more emerged from coffins, Link engaged one and killed it like the first.

At the distinct ring of the mace being swung through the air, Link spun just in time to absorb the large mace's impact with his shield. Which through him for a loop and across the room. When he regained his senses, Link realized his shield's wooden piece had been turned to dust, and the metal pieces were scattered around him. He took some time, and placed what was left of his shield in the spoils bag.

"That was my FAMILIES SHIELD!" Link shouted in bloodlust.

The stalfos laughed at him, then its beady eyes widened, right before the master sword flew into it.

"God… damn… you… Link…" King scolded Link while the hero collected his sword and put his bow away.

"He deserved it!" Link said sternly.

"Don't do that AGAIN!" King ordered.

"That's what you said last time… hey look at this shiny shield!" Link smiled and held up the mirror shield. He then reunited with Medli and they made their way back to the main room. They used light to open a path and continued into a basement.

The duo made their way down the stairs and across a bridge. The next room they found themselves which horrified Link to his very bones.

"REDEADS!" Medli shouted. "Quick, Link, I'll use the light and you kill them." She crippled both with the light.

Link was stunned, but put the monsters to death all the same. Before they even had time to scream they were dead… AGAIN!

Medli smiled in pride for a moment before Link picked her up and spun her around and gave her a near bone crushing hug. "Thank you… I love you so much!"

That made her blush fiercely. "W-what?"

"You're the best backup I have ever had!" Link was elated.

"Oh…" Medli sighed in an odd mixture of relief and disappointment. (Everyone wants love, but maybe not from Link)

After that, the duo solved another massive light puzzle, and found themselves in a large round room. They began to climb down the stairs and solve another large light puzzle.

The puzzle revealed a new room, and Link moved without fear as two darknut advanced from the opposite way. He scowled in mild annoyance, but then laughed sadistically. "After all the redeads, I'm not even bothered by you!" Link dispatched both without a scratch. He claimed the boss key, and a short while later both him and Medli were in front of the boss room.

The tired green hero plopped down in exhaustion on the steps. "Whew… that was long. Worst dungeon ever!"

"You've done great!" Medli said in her usual chipper voice.

"No! We've done great…" Link corrected her with an almost paternally proud smile.

"Now we just have to beat the main demon possessing my temple!" Medli grew even more excited.

"No!" Link corrected her again. "I'll handle it by myself. I can't afford for you to get hurt. I don't think there is another earth sage in waiting out there." Link stood back up and gathered himself. "Not a one of these damn beasts will fight fair so don't stress yourself with trying to fight it." He headed for the door. "I'll be done in five minutes." The large chain hitting the floor silenced whatever argument she may or may not have had.

Some sort of large ghost party took up the center of the boss chamber, all the poes were floating about dancing and singing. When Link approached them they all fled to a mask that spawned in the middle of the area. The mask created a large ethereal body, which gained a lantern and let out a threatening laugh.

Jalhalla.

Because the boss poe tuned ethereal, immediately Link began to scamper about searching for a light. When he founds it, he brought Jalhalla into the real world. His fat no longer supported, the massive poe collapsed to the ground.

His sword ineffective, Link attempted something else by lifting the colossal specter and throwing him full force into one of the spiked walls.

The large poe burst into the dozens smaller ones. Link charged a hurricane spin and cut the ranks of ghosts down massively.

When Jalhalla reformed he attacked relentlessly. He held Link down in one place with a large inferno. Link hid behind his shield waiting for a chance to break away. The fire stopped, when Link looked around his shield, Jalhalla had turned solid again.

Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Link hoisted the poe up again to see Medli holding her harp up on the other side. Link was not expecting to see her. "Medli!"

"Shut it! I'm helping!" She silenced him.

"Fine!" Link grinned and tossed the poe. Then he tore through the poes again leaving only a handful.

This time with Link distracting, and Medli using the light to pin Jalhalla. The poe dropped again, was tossed again. Link tore through a large amount, but one was scurrying towards the mask.

It almost made it, but a harp tore its head off after it was thrown across the room. "Nice shot Medli."

"I learned from the best!" Medli winked playfully.

King outside sweatdropped.

The mask was destroyed in a burst of light. The sanctuary was restored and Medli and Link readied to restore the power to the Master sword. They played the song one last time. Link grinned jubilantly as the master sword's hilt fanned out and visibly sharpened.

After the ceremony Link bowed. "Madam Earth sage, will you be alright here?" He asked with an almost cocky tone.

Medli replied in a mock regal voice. "I'll be fine hero, now please go see to the Wind Temple!"

The green clad hero stepped into the light and out of the Earth Temple.

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Chapter end!

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**Aha finally it's typed, I can't apologize enough I was forced to stay of the computer last week to prepare for my senior year of high school. WOOT! But I'm back now, and I have my school computer, which means there are more stories coming your way!**

**Please review**

**Sorry for the wait.**

**More next week.**

**Check the poll it closes in three chapters.**


	16. The Wind Sage

**This chapter should be on time, if its not… Then I was attacked by vicious ninjas… with laser eyes.**

**But hello everybody, I'm reaching the end of this story. It should only be another few weeks. I just wanted y'all to know, I love you. My readers, and I will probably have a large dedication to this stories avid readers in the last chapter.**

**The end of this story means two things. **

**1: I need more votes on my poll because I am still deciding what would be the best way to go for the ending… It looks like it's going to be a crackish ending based on the votes so far.**

**2: It means I have a need of a new big project. I have a few ideas for larger stories ranging from four to eight chapters. So if anyone that has a great idea that they feel I could do justice on, please send me a message. I would especially like to write stories for those people who reviewed several of the chapters and followed the story along. They're the best.**

**One last thing… I forgot the Wind Temple… so the next chapter may be late if I can't either find my game or a "Good, let's play" time… So here's hoping.**

**Read and review**

**(Chapter sixteen: The Wind Sage)**

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"Well I suppose that's back to square one?" King sighed in boredom as the pair floated listlessly.

"Give me a little bit more time King! I can't get past the stupid statue on Gale Isle yet. I will need a new Item. Let's see… Oh! That looks promising." Link touched the sea chart. "Ice Ring Isle." The cyclone dropped them off nearby the frozen island. Link circled around looking for the source of the ice storm. It appeared a dragon was spewing the frost from its mouth. Link hit it with a fire arrow. The storm stopped altogether. For how long, Link didn't know.

So he wasted no time sprinting across the ice mass. He tried to turn only to slip right off the ice into the water.

"Lad, slow and steady wins the race." King advised.

Hesitantly yet determined, Link nodded and climbed back up onto the ice, slowly stepping across. Near the dragon's maw were a few floating glaciers. Link carefully bounced from one to the other to the stone head.

Inside the head was a cave. Unsurprisingly, it was completely iced over. The chest Link needed was on the other side of the room. Some ice slopes led to the chest's perch, so Link slid down the slopes without a care. He kicked open the chest and claimed the iron boots.

Link arrived at Gale Isle an hour later. He slipped on the iron boots and trudged up to the statue that was shooting air. He smirked remembering what happened last time.

_Flashback._

_King shifted his eyes nervously. "Link is this really the best idea?"_

_"Look, bombs didn't work from the cannon, but if I get close my skull hammer should decimate it!"_

_"But lad, isn't there another way?"_

_"Too late! I'm already in the canon!" Link fired himself at the statue and pulled the skull hammer out, preparing to strike._

_Then he realized he had slowed to a stop. Then he was being propelled back, even farther then where he started from._

_End Flashback_

"Fuckin' statue!" Link growled as he finally granted the skull hammer its pleasure of crushing the statue.

"Go check on the wind sage lad!" King ordered while bobbing about in the surf.

Without responding Link turned and walked into the cavern. This cave was a little different than the last. There was more light filtering in than the last. The stone comprising the cavern walls was a lighter color itself. The similarities were blatant as well while a certain activity flowed in this place, it was still very dusty. Unlike the Earth Temple, which radiated of silence and stillness, this temple felt as if it was alive with movement.

Although there was one more blatantly obvious similarity.

This place also reeked of death.

Link saw another stone. Together with Medli, Link had already seen a few of these; they held the song corresponding to the temple. When both the sacred instrument and Wind Waker performed the song the stone would disappear.

This stone being here without a wind sage did not bode well. Regardless, Link learned the new song, The Wind God's Aria.

The energy of old swirled through the chamber in an all too familiar way. "C_rrr_aaap!" Link turned hoping he was wrong, but that would be asking the gods forfartoo much.

"Yes I'm afraid so…" The wind sage ghost sighed. "I am the_ex _wind sage, Fado." He tilted his head, his creepy smile not faltering. "Are you the new hero?" He allowed no time to answer. "The Wind Waker you hold once conducted us sages in all our prayers to the gods. Of course that was done by the king, not some little kid."

Link smirked. "Yeah well this little kid can at least kill some of Ganon's minions… and I'm fifteen. I'M NOT A LITTLE KID!"

"Fair enough… but it wasn't minions who fell me… it was Ganon himself, and the way I hear it, you were hit into the ground face first!" The sage teased.

"You know what! Have fun being dead, I'm gonna go find the violent, totting new sage!" The agitated waker of the winds headed for the door.

"You tell the king I will continue to pray in the next world!" Fado called after Link.

"Yeah fat lot of good that'll do!" Link called back.

"So Fado has perished as well then?" King was somber and quiet.

"Yeah he died… *_cough_* Pansy *_cough_*. He would not stop talking about you though. Said that you were a better conductor, and that he would continue to pray in the afterlife."

"Now what good would that do?" King shouted abrasively.

"…No clue, but I do remember who was carrying a violin around."

"Now did you ever really forget?" King looked back at Link.

"Well… I only met him for like… five minutes. And I was going through kind of a personal moment when he was playing."

"You are so self centered!" King scolded with a sweat drop.

"… On to Forest Haven!" Link shouted and played the Ballad of Gales.

Forest Haven still resembled a giant tree, but Link didn't expect that to change. Without much indication to King, Link wandered up the path over the water and into the grove.

He felt slightly self conscious over his wet,_white_pants. After all, he hadn't thought much of it, last time he was here, it was the middle of the night.

"Link you're back!" The great Deku tree chortled happily.

The green sailor stepped onto the large lily pad which brought him to face level with the tree. "Good to see you too! I'm sorry I cant stay for long though, I'm a bit behind schedule as it is."

"And you're in a rush, blah deblahy blah! It's always 'of dire importance' or 'life threatening' or 'immediate danger…" The Great Deku Tree sounded royally annoyed.

"What!" Link tilted his head to the side. "I… I know that you're a little old, but we only met once before!"

"Oh you're right, my apologies! Well I do know your type! Regardless, what do you need?"

"I was looking for your little violin playing Korok."

"Oh he was heading out front last I saw him."

"Thanks see you later!" Link called over his shoulder as he headed out of the grove.

...

"Ungratefullyounging!" The Deku Tree grumbled after Link had gone.

"Hmm… where is he? I would have noticed him on the way up, right?" Being so wrapped up in his thoughts Link slipped in the water, and began floating down stream. Link hit the water at the bottom of the falls with a wet smack.

"No… more… belly flops!" Link wheezed out desperately.

"I'll say. I bet that hurt!" A man on the bank commented with a laugh.

"Who the… Michael Phelps!" Link's eyes bugged out.

"Yes!" The swim star gave Link his trademark smile.

"Why are you on Forest Haven?" Link was surprised.

"Are you a cop?" Phelps asked suspiciously, hiding a baggy in his speedo.

"No."

"Very good!" Michael struck a heroic pose. "Phelps HOOOOO!" He then dove into the sea and swam away.

"He's a dirty cheater!" Link idly criticized the man's Olympic performance. Then he stood up in the surprisingly shallow water. Grimacing at the mud in his hair, Link washed it off in the waterfall.

Soft music filled his ears as the water ran off the sides of his head. "There's a cove here?" Link asked to no one in particular.

The music was coming from the violin of the Korok he had been seeking. "Hey buddy! You're a hard guy to find!"

Being easily excitable the young musician jumped up and down squealing. "Oh! Swordsman Link it's been FAR TOO LONG!"

"Crap!" Link thought in his head while sweating bullets. "Well hey how about I conduct a song for you?"

The Korok exploded into a ball of excited energy. "REALLY!" He jumped up and down. "You'll conduct for me!" He began run/waddle about searching for his good playing bow. "Oh what song is it, maestro?" The Korok sat before Link ready to play. "I hope it's an aria!"

Links eyes widened in shock. "Let's see… you're the expert!"

They played together, the Korok seamlessly flowing the bow over his strings, the sound danced through the air. It was a pleasant sort of melody, but it excited Link. He felt ready to take on all the battles he knew were still to come.

Opening his eyes once more, Link saw that Fado's spirit was overlaying the Koroks body.

The spirit's presence caused Link to play a bit harder, and the energy flowed in a hard circle about them. Link expected a cyclone to appear.

When the two turned and bowed Link had expected to see Fado one last time. But it was only the Korok looking solemn.

"Link… I, Makar, am the wind sage, let us go to my temple!"

"Very good, Makar!" Link bowed. While they headed for the boat Link beat himself mentally. _MAKAR? I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED!_

_**Chapter end**_

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**Chapter is done, and hopefully on time. If not send evil hate mail to my editor. (Editor's note: Hey!)**

**Not much to say in the post chapter notes, other than review and hit up the poll.**

**THANKS!**


	17. The Wind Temple

**I love you guys!**

**(Chapter Seventeen: The Wind Temple.)**

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"Uhm… Makar, Any particular reason you're on my boat's figure head?"

"Oh, no particular reason. It just reminds me of back when I used to ride on the gyorgs' heads, I would plant seeds in they're mask and hang on to the vines. Oh Swordsman It was exhilarating."

"Makar…you're a freak!" Link laughed outwardly, but inwardly he was very depressed. Makar probably wasn't as well equipped as Medli was to fight. At least Medli could use light on the few remaining monsters. Makar was obviously not prepared for such a large fight. Link shook his head; a realized sage should be capable of a bit of combat. If not… Link would just have to go kill Ganon quickly… before a peahat took Makar out.

When they arrived on Gale Isle's beach, Makar jumped off the figure head and begun buzzing around the island, inspecting the trees and grass.

Standing next to King, Link let out a deep sigh.

"Worried?" King asked.

"It doesn't seem fair does it?" Link muttered, watching the young Korok buzz about the island.

"The same could be said of you…"

"What happened to me was a coincidence." Link explained in his own defense.

King gave him a quizzical look. "Now lad, do you really believe in things such as coincidences anymore?"

"… I'm going to go charge the sword up." Link headed for the door.

"Lad you need to trust in your allies. The sages are made for these temples. Makar will almost defiantly surprise you."

The wind waker knew he was right, but ignored him and headed into the temple. Makar waddled after him. Links nose scrunched up at the stench of death and he let out an involuntary shiver. Looking over at the wind sage, Link was in resounded shock to see Makar innocently poking about at the cave moss and grass.

Makar met Link's gaze and rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Sorry, I have never seen plants that weren't indigenous to the Forest Haven. The soil's different as well. It seems the magic of the temple speeds the growing process exponentially, even without sunlight. I… I find this to be incredible. Oh look, a rock!" Makar snapped his attention to the temple's song stone.

"Oh yeah… We will most defiantly see a few of these during our trek through the temple. All we need to do is play the-."

"The Wind God's Aria right?" Makar concluded, readying his violin.

"Yea … How'd you know that?"

Makar pointed at the stoned. "It's written right there!"

Link stared at the stone; he could only make out the wind waker notes amidst the runic Hylian.

Language. He ignored his own illiteracy and drew the wind waker. The song filled the room and

The music welled the energy into the wind sage and waker.

Link's eyes widened at the energy filling him, "WOAH… LET'S ROLL MAKAR!"

"YEAH! " Makar cheered and hopped onto Link's head as he sprinted through the new passage way. Like last time, there was a hole. This time, Link dove face first into it with Makar clinging ontohis hat.

Landing on his feet, Link sprinted into the next room, which was as cavernous as it was grassy. There was obviously a puzzle to this room, but at the moment, Link wanted to take out the beasts within. "Alright Makar, chill for a moment. I'm going to kill these things!"

"But…" Makar couldn't finish before Link dove into battle.

Link fired several arrows at the wizrobes around the room. A stalfos charged Link, swinging its large mass. Link rolled about the creature and leapt up, imbedding the master sword into the creature's skull. Link stood, bowed and laughed at the job well done when all the monsters were dead. "Now to solve the puzzle… What the hell, MAKAR! Where did the puzzle go?" Link shouted.

"I solved it!" Makar shouted back.

Link looked around seeing the door open and way clear, it appeared he had indeed solved it. "How?"

"I'm a genius!" Makar gloated.

"I guess you are."

"Sooo…?" Makar tilted his head.

"LET'S ROLL MAKAR!" Link scooped the korok up and sprinted into the next room.

The duo of wind related people fought and solved their way through the temple without a problem, although their latest room felt weird. "I'M bored!" Link complained while lying on the ground.

"Not my problem…" Makar chided and continued planting seeds in the soil.

"Are you sure this will open the door?"

"I've opened like ten doors this way!"

"… THEN WHY'S IT TAKING SO LONG!"

"Because there's a lot of soil to plant in." Makar explained calmly. "NOW SHUT IT!" he shouted the last bit so angrily, it caused Link to tear up. "Oh don't cry I was just… HOLY CRAP!" Makar screamed as he was scooped up and pulled into a dark vortex by a large black hand.

"OH NO MAKAR!" Link screamed, "Oh hey, the door's open…"

The next room was wide circular and several stories tall. And Makar was in a cage on the other side of the room. "Wow, that was anticlimactic. How do I open this?"

"I don't know… Link, you got to get me out of here! I will not do well in prison! I'm too pretty!"

"I KNOW I KNOW, I… I know how to get you out! I will be right back!" Link sprinted off for the solution.

A short while later Link burst into the latest room like a mad man. "This it?" A large wizrobe in royal looking robes and headdress appeared and laughed manically. Then it summoned a few monsters to its side. "Yup definitely the mini boss!" Link drew his bow and pulled out the master sword.

"Link, I swear to god, if you fire that sword ONE MORE TIME I am going to leave you in this temple to rot."

Link blushed. "Oh you thought I was going to… NO!… you actually thought I would… NO no no… I was just trying to threaten… Yeah just threaten the stupid bird."

"I'll have you know, we wizrobes have made great strides in the fields of science and art."

"Shut up!" Link slashed the wizrobe across the chest.

"You were adopted!" The large bird screamed and flew up into the air. "Now then, time to fight!"

A pair of dark nuts and a yellow wizrobe appeared. The yellow wizrobe summoned a hoard of keese while the darknuts charged futile at Link. Using his skull hammer Link rung the Darknuts bell by crushing his helmet and skull in one swing. Link managed to stick the blade of his sword right through the visor of the other darknut. Then Link put down the hoarde of keese with a spin attack.

Both wizrobe and master wizrobe spun into the air, and then sang out a magical calling. "ITSssssssssss raining men!" They both sang, causing a large amount of bokoboblins and moblins to rain down on the battlefield.

"LLLAAAMMMMEEE!" Link groaned and hurricane span through them. He managed to stay on his feet long enough to shoot an arrow at the special wizrobe.

The Wizrobe, without hesitation, grabbed his subordinate wizrobe and held it in front of him. It was shot in the face and killed.

Link scowled and was filled with a bitter rage. He knocked another arrow and filled it with so much rage, the when he fired it, it burst into fire. It caught the special wizrobe in the chest and threw it into the wall, and it fell to the ground in a heap.

Its face turned blue immediately when Link's foot pressed down on its neck. His sword impaled its head and left it dead. "No loyalty, even among each other… " Link shuddered in disgust. He opened the chest and picked up his new weapon.

"A hookshot. An ancient mechanism. Created by people long gone." King commented on the new find.

Link fitted it to his hand and fired it at a target on the wall. It yanked him off his feet and through the air to the ledge.

"Sweet!… oh, I know how to get Makar out!" Link cheered.

And thus, a short while later, he was standing on the ledge were Makar's cage was. Link hookshotted the stone blocking the way and was yanked up to it face first.

"Swordsman, you are much too lean to pull this stone down, perhaps if you weighed more. Oh wait! Is there perhaps a Starbucks nearby? I've heard they have the most fattening cookies!"

"But they're sooooo good!" Link smiled dreamily. "Oh wait, I know what to do!" Link slipped on his iron boots. When he fired the second time, the statue landed on his head. Link sighed in annoyance, "Wow, I haven't been this embarrassed since I forgot your name when I came to get you!"

"You forgot my name?" Makar shouted.

"Only for a little bit, I was in my own little world the first time we met." Link rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Selfish much?" Makar grunted looking away.

"Oh please… pretty please." Link pleaded for forgiveness.

Maker continued to ignore him.

"I'll be your best friend!" Link asked hopefully.

"REALLY!" Makar's eye holes exploded into stars and hearts.

"YES OF COURSE!" He scooped up Makar and they sprinted through the temple. "LET'S ROLL MAKAR!"

A short while later they stood in front of the boss door, Key in hand. "Hard to believe it we made it here this fast, right?"

"Hard to believe we made it here at all, the way we were haphazardly running about." Makar corrected.

"Fair enough! Let's roll Makar!" Link scooped up the Korok and headed in.

The room was very open and full of sand. Link didn't like it. He set Makar down on the ledge before adventuring on. A large room full of sand was no place for someone so small. "Stay up there."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Makar said lazily.

Almost as if on cue, the sand in front of the young hero burst open and a large snake flew into the air. It was easily the largest monster Link had ever seen in his entire life. "FUUUUUUUUCK THAT!" Link shouted throwing his sword down. "I QUIT. I'M DONE. NO MORE OF THIS… I'M GOING HOME!"

"But Link, what about that Tetra girl I heard so much about."

Link seemed unfazed but picked up his sword and headed for the monster, "Time to die!"

The weak point was obvious. Its tongue stuck out while it waited in the sand for Link to get close. Link simply caught it with his hookshot and slashed it up. After a few times of this process, it flew out of the sand and flew about the room. Link seemed unfazed by this as well and just dodged about.

When it stuck its tongue back out, Link continued to assault it. Link could sense victory coming, and then the jaw opened more and attempted to bite him. "SHIT!"

Link flinched for a moment and in that moment something whizzed over his head. Link opened his eyes to see something impaled through the tongue. It was Makar's violin bow. Sure enough, when he turned around, Makar was holding the violin similar to how Link holds a bow.

"God… just… what the… Why Link… Why do you corrupt people?" King asked, confused.

"Because it's fun. Now be quiet old man!" Link chided as Makar drew his playing bow from the downed beast's maw. "What brought that on Makar?"

"My bow is razor sharp, the strings of my violin are magically protected as to avoid breaking, and it makes for a much finer sound."

"I see. Well shall we play?" Link lifted his Wind Waker.

For the last time they played the Wind God's Aria, Link and Makar were not the ones filled with energy this time. The master sword now glowed, with the ability to repel evil… Literally.

"Sweeeeet." Link swung the sword about. "I'd hate to play and run, but I have more to attend to."

"I know, it's okay; after all, you do know you have to go find all eight pieces of the Triforce right?"

"What?"

_**End Chapter**_

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**Not much to say, it's up and now we are in the final act of the story.**

**Oh the boss fight was short because I always found it to be too easy.**

**Please review.**


	18. The Triforce of Courage

**Well I am back****... sorry I was gone for so long. I just kind of got lazy. I guess I'm not very dependable. The stories finished on paper... so unless I have trouble getting a chance to type I will have the last few chapters up every Friday until completion.**

**I hope you enjoy.**

**Read and review.**

**Chapter ****18: The Triforce of Courage

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"So when were you going to tell there's_eight_hidden pieces of the Triforce I have to find?" Link asked tapping his foot impatiently.

"I wasn't quite sure, that's why I was excited about that whole Makar doing it for me thing."

"So what? Back to square one for the third time in the last week?"

"Not… entirely. The Triforce pieces are hidden underwater, but there are charts to their locations hidden across the sea."

"Okay, and I assume you know where they are?"

"Yes!"

"Excellent!" Link pumped his fist in the air.

"Well, two." King corrected himself his eyes turned downcast.

"Why were you king of Hyrule?" Link asked, confused, tilting his head.

"Look, I was King long before the Triforce was split. It was split mostly due to the creation of the sea… we thought Ganon was gone…"

"Useless." Link grumbled.

Later that night Link and King were floating in a random sector, peering through his telescope. "You just had to know where the zombie one was!"

King gave him a look. "Actually it's fabled as the ghost ship."

"Shut up there will be Zombies and you fucking know it!" Link pointed at the ethereal ship.

"They're called redeads." King corrected the irritable hero.

"I am going to cut your head off!" Link grumbled.

The ghost ship suddenly changed direction, and its transparent canons firing many times. The cannonballs flew in high arks. Link opened fire as well, but his attacks proved fruitless.

The ghost ships barrage.

Was nowhere near as ineffective.

Link put up his sail to get out of the way, but it was to late, one cannonball made direct contact with the back of Links skull.

He was unconscious the moment it hit.

"Liiiiinnnk…"

The unconscious boy stirred slightly.

"LIIIINNNK!"

"Who are you?" Link rubbed his eyes in confusion.

"I'm the ghost of Christmas past!" An ethereal entity spoke gently above him.

"Really?" Link asked with a certain childish excitement.

"No, I'm a poe and I'm gonna eat you!"

"Waah!" Link rolled out of the way of his attacker. As the poe charged him, Link drew his shield, and ran backwards.

The poe froze and hit the ground now tangible.

Link smiled realizing he had embarked into a solid beam of light. The light thoroughly shot around the room. He frowned and felt some fear.

Lots of enemies in here.

Not one of them was alive.

After an intense battle Link finally found a chest, it held the chart he needed.

"Haha you can't read it!" A dissembled voice laughed.

"Yeah that's weird… Woah who said that?"

"The ghost ship."

"You're alive?"

"No, That's why I'm a ghost ship."

"No need to get snippy"

"You killed my minions!"

"Well they tried to kill me…"

"… I guess that's fair."

"So we cool?"

"yeah… now can you go… I need to go buy a help wanted poster."

Link was then teleported to the hull of King, as he watched the ghost ship sail away. "What a nice boat."

"… You're so weird…"

"Yes, yes I am. Why, is that a problem."

"Did you lose the Master Sword?"

"No."

"Then I don't care." King looked back. "Off to Outset now!"

"Okay… wait… why?"

…

"Fuck you King!"

"Wha'd I do-" King was cut off by the grappling hook upside his head.

"That savage Labyrinth!" Link shouted red faced. "I actually used all my fairies! I HAVE NEVER USED A FAIRY! Remember the Dragon roost cavern? I've had one since then! Why didn't you warn me?"

"This seemed like more fun."

"Grah!" Link roared and tackled the boat and violently attempted to drown the figure head.

"On to more important matters!" King stated while Link tried vainly to kill him. "How do we decipher these maps?"

"Decipher?"

"… Surely Link… Surely you have attempted to read these."

"OH SON OF A B-"

**We ****interrupt this long string of curses to remind our viewers that you should never curse in areas with children, as it may damage their young fragile minds and cause them to go into a downward spiral, which may lead them to drugs, gangs, and/or Fanfiction.**

"Well that was… creative!" King laughed.

"You're so useless today, what's the matter with you!" Link yelled so much, his voice was starting to go hoarse with the strain it had been under.

"I-" King started, but was cut off.

"Shut it! You're useless, I will figure it out on my own." Link held up the map collection in front of him. A neon green map was poking out of the bag. "I remember this… I used it to find those wallet upgrades. What was it…? Tingle's chart?" for a moment he thought back on the 'Man' Tingle.

_flashback_

_Strangely enough, when Link entered it, it resembled… a prison. A small man wearing a green spandex suit, makeup and a red Speedo occupied the single cell in the room. If the man had been wearing anything else, Link wouldn't know as his eyes had melted out of their sockets in horror._

_And as Link thrashed around, attempting to rid himself of his eyes, he smashed right through a pot and onto a switch which unfortunately… opened the cell door._

_As the burning in Link's eyes ebbed, he stood up and the first thing he saw was the little man standing WAY to close to him. "AAAAAHHH…! Don't rape me," Link pleaded, cowering into the corner._

_"Uhh dude I would never rape you… I mean look at me. I like the ladies. It's the sexy outfit that attracts them. It's obvious…" The man struck a pose. "… The ladies are all over me too… but where are my manners. My name is Tingle and I thank you for freeing me. Tingle tingle kooloo limpah become two items!" Tingle rehearsed some weird magic spell as two items popped into his hands. He handed one to Link._

_"This is a special map I made myself. As you see, I'm quite gifted with charts and maps of all kinds. This one can guide you to my island and some fairy fountains." Tingle explained._

_"And this…" Tingle started as he handed over a strange green box like object, "Is the one and only Tingle Tuner. With it, you can call on my help whenever you need it." Tingle started to leave the room. "If you ever need my help… don't forget." And then he was gone._

_End flashback._

"Off to Tingle Island." Link muttered, curiously wondering how this would play out.

The island had a strange spinning tower atop it. _This is definitely Tingle's home, _Link thought with a laugh when he began climbing the ladder.

"… Well Mr. Fairy, I'm not surprised to see you here!" Tingle stated when Link had finished the climb.

"Really!" Link asked, bewildered.

"Of Course, Sexy Men like us contain the needs of destiny; we are made for great things." Tingle drew a chart from his pocket. "Of course, you with the air of a hero, you will have need of this… MY INCREDIBLE CHART. It will lead you to the power of the gods."

"The Tower of the Gods'?" Link turned around. "No Tingle… The Tower of the Gods' is over there. I already did that."

"No no Mr. Fairy, the POWER of the gods, you merely misunderstood me due to my sexy speech impediment." Tingle struck another pose.

"Ok thanks Tingle. I'll be back in a little bit." Link headed out to find the remaining six charts, which proved to be an infinitely easier to claim than the first two. After a day and a half of fighting and simple puzzles, Link was returning to Tingles Island with eight charts of the Triforce.

"Mr. Fairy you brought me the charts, now as soon as you pay me two thousand three hundred and eighty four rupees, I will decipher them."

"Well… you're still less of a jerk than my boat." Link grumbled a bit, but handed the cash over all the same.

In a split second Tingle had made all the charts readable, not feeling like getting robbed any longer, Link headed for the boat. "I better be able to right that off as an expense when I get paid for saving the world."

"Paid?" King asked with a snort of a laugh.

"Well yea, I'm risking my life in this endeavor, I should be able to live off it right?"

...

"King you better tell me that I don't need to get a job after this!" Link began to grow furious.

"You'll Probably become a warrior commercially. That's what the last hero did."

"I… I… WHAT! OH MY GOD! My sister is safe, why am I still doing this?" Link ranted and roared. "THIS IS A STUPID QUEST! WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?"

"Tetra?"

"God dammit, you know the fact that I have to be reminded of it every three seconds makes me wonder if it's worth it!" Link sat back in the boat.

"Well that depends…" King said in a sage like voice.

"On what?" Link sat back up.

"On whether or not you put your foot in your mouth and ruin your chances… Actually considering her temper, it wouldn't be hard… and considering your stupidity… You know Link, there are other fish in the sea."

"Shut up King!" Link groaned.

"I'm just saying There are other fish in the sea… You're too young to get tied down… Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Look King. It's a little different for me. I… Look. What I've done since I saved my sister… Did you ever save the world for a girl?"

"Haha no. I was the king, I had these green clad losers do it for me." King sweat dropped. "In exchange for the princesses' love of course."

"Woah! Now I don't know about love King… That's moving a little fast, don't you think?" Link blushed and looked down.

"Teenagers…" King scoffed.

After another few hours, Link was dredging up the last piece of the Triforce. The eight Triforce shards were scattered on the floor of the boat. "We better get to the Tower of the Gods'."

"But it's right here" Link pointed to the Triforce shards.

"Not power, TOWER. Seriously what is up with your hearing today?"

"Oh I think there's still some blood in my ear from the savage labyrinth." Link shuddered, using the feather of an arrow like a Q-tip.

When they arrived, Link presented the shards of the Triforce of Courage, then they began to levitate and form together. "So this is the Triforce of Courage? Does it make me more courageous?"

"Link, you dove into an active volcano on a hunch. Nothing could make you more courageous. All of the Triforce pieces work very similarly. You're awarded skill, power, knowledge all of that. You just received this Triforce because of your courage." King explained.

"So I will be able to use magic like Ganon?" Link said this with nothing but hope in his voice.

"No, Ganon could already use magic. The Triforce just makes it more powerful." King finished explaining.

There was no time for Links usual complaints as the Triforce snapped together. It then fired a golden light in all directions, nearly blinding him. He covered his eyes to hide from it. When the light was gone, so was the Triforce, now it resided within Link. "Most. Expensive. Tattoo. Ever!" Link grumbled.

"Link… the gods have seen fit your acts, and awarded you this Triforce, and given you the official title of Hero."

The wind swirled strongly around the Tower of the Gods'.

"Link, Hero of the Winds!"

_**Chapter End

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**Well****... maybe a bit of a disappointing chapter to return on, but more to come soon and again sorry for the leave of absence.**

**Please review.**


	19. Ganons Tower

**Hello everyone, back with another chapter. Hopeful this is reaching you on time, if not then it is my naughty desperately needs a spanking editor's fault.**

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, I was glad to see some of my "fans" back for another chapter.**

**Read and review**

**(Chapter Nineteen: Ganon's Tower)

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When the bottom of King hit the pool Link had already leapt onto the stone walkway. Whether it was his senses being heightened by the Triforce or for some other reason Link _knew _something was wrong. The already damaged castle was crumbling; there had been much monster activity as of late. What was left of the castle was crumbling around his ears. It would fall soon.

The entrance to the basement was open already and there were two things clearly wrong with the scene. One was the decapitated statue of the hero. The other, and significantly more ominous, was the single bloody foot print.

"Shit… Tetra!" The hero of the winds felt a small twinge of fear amidst the boiling adrenaline.

It was all for naught though. The basement was untouched. Zelda was simply with her back to Link.

The hero ran across the basement floor, she stood and turned beaming a bright smile. "Li-" The energy in the room pulsed around her and she disappeared in a burst of light.

"Ahahaha!" The disembodied voice of Ganon boomed through the chamber. "You fools thought you could hide her. Nothing will deter me from having the complete Triforce."

"You are just made of douche, huh?" Link cursed the evil wizard.

The room was quiet for a while for a moment. "I look forward to seeing you in my tower, but first, my head knights wish to meet you." A pair of darknuts in an almost royal armor approached Link. Their battle field was closed off in a ring of fire.

Opening faster than it closed Link headed off, having slayed dozens of darknuts simultaneously already, no two were really a match for him. When he found himself in the main chamber he swore loudly at the collapsed hallway which led to King. "Relax. You're not returning to the sea today. Not until Ganon's dead. Go through the door at the other end of the room. Ganon's tower's out that way."

Following the instruction and the path Link was out the door in a flash. Running across the long bridge before smashing, with his face, into a dark barrier of some kind. The force of the hit tossed Link back a few feet. The hit also sent a ripple through the barrier, which was massive and encompassed the entirety of the castle.

"Wow. So that's what evil feels like." Link rubbed his sore forehead, which currently felt like it had hit with a white hot hammer. "How to destroy… " Link's voice trailed off as his eyes trailed to the glowing Master sword. "The power to repel evil."

A moment later Link sat down in amazement. "Wow… That feels so much better." He let out a very content sigh while pressing the flat side of the blade against his forehead (thus releasing the near poisonous dark effect). "Now to kill that barrier and… well most likely several hundred more monsters before I'm done." Then with a sigh and a leap, the hero of the winds performed an unnecessarily showy jump slash which shattered the barrier into dust sized fragments.

A few hours later Link had finished his hike to Ganon's tower, he sat down flat on the dusty road. "Wow, I feel really out of shape right now."

"Don't beat yourself up. You've spent your time sailing, not hiking." King's voice sounded from the stone.

"Thanks King." Link stood and stretched.

"Hey don't worry about it!" King responded "Us fat guys gotta stick together!"

"Fuck you!" Link groaned while wandering into the tower.

"Hey at least we Hylians aren't as fat as Americans."

"True."

The chamber that Link now stood in was one that should have been as dark as Ganon's soul, but this room in said monster's tower was filled with lava, which lit the cavern with its infernal glow. Ahead of Link was a stone slab with four oddly familiar symbols.

"Looks like a puzzle..." Link whistled and spun picking a room at random.

The door Link entered through was a long hallway which was oddly reminiscent of the wind temple. Being already familiar with the puzzles archetype, Link simply floated down the hallway, killing a few random beast's proved to be no real challenge.

Despite the slight challenge of the room the truly puzzling part came when Link reached the door at the end of the hallway. Now regardless of how deadly and horrifying the Wind temple was, it was also very colorful, to see the color drain and the room turn black and white… well it was surprising.

That proved to be the least of surprises for Link, when he reached for the handle his hand changed. A few cuts still fresh from hunting the Triforce had disappeared. "Is… is it healing me?" Link thought aloud while opening the door.

A horrible sense of déjà vu overtook Link, and he found himself in a very familiar room.

"God fucking dammit!" Link grunted when the sand shifted, allowing the wind temple's boss to burst out of the ground, and fly about. "Fuck you Molegera!" Link shouted.

"Wait… Molegera… Shit!" Link hurriedly checked on his sword, but it was fine.

"Weird… well I should be able to kill him no problem now." And for the most part he did, except randomly Molegara decided to grab Link in its jaws chew him up, then spit him out.

Now, Link had been eaten once or twice before, but never by something he had already killed. Now, no doubt, he was pissed.

Molegara took off into the air after spitting Link out. The hero, being pissed as he was dug the master sword into its armored side. Link then began climbing the side of the beast. Upon reaching the monster's maw, Link unleashed a hellish fury on the beasts tongue.

When Link was ready to swing for the kill. The giant blind snake became intangible, and he hit the sand like a ton of bricks. Horror struck Link when he realized his leg was bent at a 35 degree angle. He can kick himself in the going this way.

Molegara moved in to consume him again. Unable to stand, Link fired multiple arrows at the tongue, all simply passed through. Just before the maw closed, an all too familiar violent bow flew through the air and struck down the beast.

Another Wave of Déjà vu over took Link, and he soon found himself back in the main room. His leg was no longer twisted, albeit a bit sore.

"So that's what the challenge here is…" Link noticed that a symbol on the rune slab had lit up according to Molegara's timely passing. Link did a 360 spotting three more familiar looking doors.

Going the obvious route Link selected a door, a door he did not think would be this… impossible. "What's the challenge here? Its just lava and some rafters!"

"Lad don't forget you're significantly better equipped now!"

"Oh yes..." Link drew his bow.

"Link, I swear to god, if you even touch that sword!" King scolded the hero.

Not really allowing the old man to finish yelling at him, Link fired an ice arrow into the lava. At the angle it flew, it created a narrow strip of land that Link ran across. The grappling hook coiled around the very last rafter, He climbed up carefully and Deku leafed to the door.

The monochrome version of the all too familiar boss room. Once again the massive lava larva Gohma burst from the fiery depths of the volcano.

With his usual violently dark smirk. Link reached for his bow to find it wasn't there. None of his equipment was, only his grappling hook. He still had the master sword though, and it was still full power.

Link smirked at the quickness of it, the rocks crushed the monsters shell in seconds, and the mere power of the Master Sword allowed Link to kill the creature in just a few swings. When the monster fell, Link was teleported back to the main room.

Continuing like this through the other two rooms like this Link had no trouble at all in defeating Jahlhalla and Kalle Demos.

When all four bosses were dead, when all four rooms had been cleared, only then did the door continuing into the tower open.

Almost an entire hour later, Link sat on the edge of an abyss. "… What do I do about this?" Link dropped a stone off the edge and listened for its fall, which took a surprisingly short time. Then on a hopelessly idiotic hunch Link dove into the abyss.

There were four doors one in each direction, Link knew immediately what kind of puzzle this was, but there was no way to stop it.

That quickly became the least of his worries as not one but four phantom Ganon's appeared. "What Ganon, you can't make any new enemies?"

Although slightly trickier, Link managed to defeat the phantom.

Oddly enough when the phantom's sword fell it pointed right at a door. "No way" Link ran into the room to engage another group of phantoms. Once defeated the sword fell in a similar fashion. "Oh My God! This is the stupidest puzzle ever!" After a large amount of work Link found a rather ornately decorated room.

When Phantom Ganon was defeated in this room, Link received his greatest weapon yet.

The light arrow.

Going through the next door he found himself in the central room he had started in awhile ago. When Ganon appeared he shot the Phantom with the light arrow, It simply disappeared into a burst of light.

Link stared in awe. "I love you…" Link teared up while looking at the shiny arrow. "I love you so much" he kissed the arrow head, which cut his lip.

Another arrow destroyed the dark barrier before him. Link began climbing the stairs using light arrows to kill anything in his path.

Finally he came to the large door that he assumed Ganon would be behind.

The room was cylindrical and massive like the inside of a tower (Duh). A pink curtain hung around in the middle of the room, shrouding a bed where one figure slept and a larger one stood over her. Link wadded through the water noisily not caring if he was heard.

Ganon slowly moved his hand to Zelda's head.

"I wouldn't do that if you want to keep that hand!" Link growled drawing the Master Sword.

"Stay your blade child… I'm looking into her dreams."

"Pedophile."

"Respect for your elders!"

"Do I look black to you?"

"Err… regardless… Her dreams were of the sea and its fishless hopelessness." Ganon said levelly.

"Were?" Link tilted his head.

"Yeah… were. When she heard your voice, the dream changed nature to something infinitely more… adult."

"Link…" Tetra mumbled happily with a smile on her face, and a bit of drool escaping the corner of her mouth while she cuddled a pillow.

"…" The hero of the winds blushed.

Ganon looked embarrassed as well.

"So *ahem* Do… do you think we should still fight?"

The dark wizard coughed and looked away from the (a little too happily) slumbering princess. "Yeah I was just gonna say-" Ganon was cut off when the princess let off a small erotic noise.

"Ok! I can't do this right now! Is there like a Starbucks we can go to for a little while she finishes that dream." Link shouted.

"This is the ultimate fortress of evil… so… OF course." Ganon was relived as well.

"Pick this up in like an hour?" Link asked to which Ganon nodded. Both headed out, feeling significantly awkward.

"Mmmmh…" Tetra sighed happily.

_**Chapter End

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**Okay, chapter's done, two chapters to go.**

**Please review and vote in the poll this is pretty much the last chance.**


	20. Ganondorf

**Hello readers, the end nears, you have all been patient now I ask you to wait only another week for the final chapter.**

**Although this is the Penultimate chapter it is also the climax of our story.**

**Without further ado please read and review.

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**

**(Chapter Twenty: Ganondorf)**

After an hour of light conservation and frappachinos, Link and Ganon returned to the Tower where Tetra was still dozing, but quietly. "Wanna just begin?" Link asked nervously.

"Yea we probobly should before she starts up again." Ganon rubbed the back of his head.

"Well ... Uhnnn... How?" Link asked.

"Oh I was gonna do this speech about how your gods abandoned you and transform."

"You were gonna transform? Nice!" Link whistled and took a step back from Ganon.

The dark wizards eyes dilated into a sickening yellow and his cloak expanded creating a much larger creature, and after too long it morphed into the shape of a large moblin. The Moblin had many strings holding it to the roof.

For a moment he was scared at the ferosity that the moment moved about and swung at him. Then Link notticed the strings and the strange blue ball that resided on the beasts tail.

"Just another boss battle." Link grunted tossing the boomerang it tore through the air a few times swiftly snapping the many strings, the string holding the tail up was the last to fall. The large blue orb rested on the ground while the puppet weakly attempted to move about. Link hesitated very little before firing his light arrow at the puppet, which had a less than shocking violent reaction.

This trick was repeted twice before te creature turned black and died. Like all monsters this one explodded into a cloud of purple smoke.

"YES!" Link cheered. "I am the greatest thing ever!"

His celebration was short lived as eight long legs shot out of the smoke revealing spider puppet Ganon.

"What is this? ... I dont even?" Link pointed angrily at him. "No you exploded."

The puppet let out a laugh like rumble.

"That's it... I call hax!" Link shouted angrily and a computer monitor smacked the spider in the face. This sent puppet Ganon to the ground, where Link located the blue ball... Once again it was on Ganons ass.

After Link shot the ball the puppet rose up and spun. While it was spinning Link realized he could see the spider in the reflection of the water that he stood in. The hero of the winds sighed at the simplicity of the fight. The spider died in two more shots.

The spider like form writhed turned black and exploded... Into another form.

"SONOFABITCH!" Link screamed as the creature slammed into him. The new puppet form, was a snake with its weak point on its tail... again. "Why do you make me target your ass?"

Due to no small effort Link managed to hit the ball three times with light arrows.

One final time the puppet rose up and actually exploded.

"Ok! you won that one I guess." Ganon called from high in the rafters. "Your just as annoyingly as the other hero, he wouldn't just die either!"

"You first!" Link shouted threateningly.

"Come to the tower and face me. This ends now." Ganon then flew away.

A large red rope fell into the middle of the room. Link climbed up the rope and along the rafters to a door leading out to the roof.

It was surprising in this underwater bubble for the wind to be so strong. The top of the tower was a prefect massive circle, Ganon stood at the far side facing away from Link. Zelda was lying peacefully in the middle of the stone circle.

"The wind ... In my dessert it used to bring scorching heat and dust storms that could kill even our strongest warriors. At night the wind brought frigid gales that would seek us out even in our fortress, no matter when it came the winds brought only one thing ... death." He took a deep breath and spread his arms. "But across the the green field of Hyrule the wind brought good fortune it was prayed to. We prayed that the wind would never come again ... Those prairs were never answered. There was no hope in that dessert that the gods had forsaken. Our salvation was in the three crests of the gods. Three crests that I have once again gathered. But..." Link was straining to hear his opponents soft speech. "It is time to put an end to that which binds us."

Link's eyes widdened at the threat. Ganon flew across the battlefield and in a quick two smacks sent Links sword flyinng followed by the hero himself. Then with only one arm Ganon lifted the hero in the air.

Magic swelled in all three present before it united in the form of the triforce itself floating above the tower. "AH ... Finally the triforce ... he who touches it will have their wish granted." Ganon began moving toward the magical effigy. "Gods of the triforce! Hear my demand! Expos this land to the burning rays of the sun! Give Hyrule to me!" Ganon who was sounding very smug was silenced at the sight before him.

Ganon saw that not his hand was resting on the triforce, but another hand was resting on the triforce. "He who touches the triforce will have his wish granted thats what you said right, Ganondorf?" The king of Hyrule Daphness Nohansen Hyrule smiled rather smugly. "Gods of the Triforce! Hear my call, give an end to this Kingdom let it be washed away to give future to these children and their people. Ganondorf ... may you drown with Hyrule." King took a step back as water dropped from the oceanic sky above.

Looking on in almost a daze, Ganon shook his head, and seemed ready to cry. When the water wegan pooling around his ankles he let a psychopathic look light up his features. He let out a nails on a chalkboard, deep loud laughter.

Finally back on his feet Link gripped his possibly broken rib. He winced at the pain, but also from the wicked laughter.

"Ganon your crazy... Shut up! ... No seriously SHUT UP!" Zelda shouted furiously.

"Hey Tetra How was your nap?" Link smiled at her.

"Well I woke up and thought I had the worlds worst bed wetting." Zelda sweat dropped.

"You thought you did this?" Link laughed.

"Well waking up with a sword impaled a few inches from my head didn't help!" Zelda whined and kicked some water.

"Can I have my sword now?" Link took his sword into his left hand. "I'm gonna kill Ganon real quick."

"Right ... Link lets get back to our ocean."

"Let me show you then!" Ganon roared from the other side of the battle field. "Ill show you then!" Ganon roared from across the battlefield. "Ill show you the true worth of your lives and YOUR OH SO PRECIOUS TRIFORCE!" Ganon drew dual swords ready to fight.

"Good luck using magic now, bastard!" Link shouted pulling out his shield.

"WAIT!"

Everyone stared at King's yell he walked up to Link. "Give me it!"

"What are yo-" Link tilted his head questioningly.

"King ignored him. "Give it! You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Link sighed and handed his bow to King, Who In turn Handed it to Zelda. "Now you two... The worlds counting on you, but I believe in you!"

"Why arnt you helping us?" Zelda asked.

"Well believe it or not, I have no real combat skill what so ever." King looked down trodden.

"I have no trouble believing that what so ever." Link stated bluntly with a rather dark poker face.

"Just ... Just go fight!" King blushed and walked away.

"Alright Link lets do this!" Zelda ran forward.

"Whats the plan?" Link asked equipping his sword and shield.

"You engage him head on, and I will cover you with the bow. OK! GO!" Zelda shouted and readied an arrow.

Link sprinted forward to clash swords with Ganon, He used both the sword and the shield to bash his opponents swords every time they came close.

The hero found a chance to strike when Ganon was hit. "You can use Light arrows!" Link shouted indignantly.

Zelda shrugged. "Apparently!"

Not one to look a gift horse in the face in the mouth, Link then proceeded to wail on the monster.

Ganon finally recovered and blocked a few strikes, when Zelda fired another light arrow the dark wizard shot off the ground and dodged the arrow by a good deal.

Link cursed knowing that it would become increasingly more difficult to hit his opponent without the arrows effect. Attempting to stab Ganon in the gut Link brought the sword up low.

Making an X with his sword Ganon brought the blade to a halt before it touched his robes. The dark wizard looked up with a smug sneer, Just in time to get a shield bash in the face.

Ganon recoiled holding his face, he was distracted just long enough to receive a light arrow in the kidney, which opened up Links chances to assault him.

Only scoring a few good attacks before his opponent fully recovered Link rolled out of the way of a wild series of attacks, so wild in fact that Ganon didn't even see the next light arrow coming. This time he wasn't frozen, This time Ganon wasn't paralyzed. No he turned his dark gaze slowly toward the archer.

The princess didn't even have time to flinch before Ganon flew across the battle field and cracked her across the face, so hard Link could see a welt develop right on the side of her face. She fell to the ground unconscious.

"Ganon ... That was a bad idea..." Link was looking down at an angle so that his bangs shadowed his eyes.

The evil man turned back to the young hero with his classic sneer. "How so?"

"I told you ... If you want to keep your hand ... then.. You dont! ... Touch! ... TETRA!" Link raised his heaad slightly with each pause, Until he was glaring right at Ganon.

"Inncolent child" Ganon growled running to engage Link.

The hero of the winds held his sword by his side, as Ganon approached at a high speed, The Master sword flashed with a dangerous gleam. Just before Ganon could have struck Link disappeared and slashed his opponent in the back several times.

Every time Ganon tried to strike Link flipped rolled or blocked him, Whenever Link tried to attack Ganon swung his sword and blocked the attack. if Ganon tried any heavy attacks Link would parry and whip Ganon in the back a few times. Link smirked thinking he might just finish him off.

Link was getting tired though. "I ... I cant fucking keep going like this ... Im tired."

"Well ... Your not going alone anymore"

Link flinched slightly at the soft hand on his back helping him support himself. "T-Tetra ... your okay."

"Yea he hit me harder than a woman from Alabama, but im okay. I have a plan. Now I know your tired.. But can you fight a little longer?" She wrapped her arm around his torso to get him back on his feet. "For me?" She gave him a sweet smile.

The hero blushed and wearily lifted himself onto his own two feet, He held his blade forward nd pointed it at Ganon. Then he nodded to his princess.

Zelda held her bow and pointed it dead for Ganon. "Now Ganondorf THIS ... IS THE END."

_**Chapter end

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**The final chapter is upon us, just as it was for told in the necronamicon, Now we shall wait for the final week to pass and then bask in the glow of the glorious completion.**

**But seriously, the polls closed now so I know how the ending is gonna be ... but I'm the author so I already knew, ... it was not a fair fight.**

**Please review .. seriously if I dont get atleast 2 I am not posting the damn chapter.**


	21. The End

**Hello ... This is the final chapter of my poorly named Zelda: Wind Waker parody, it has been a long adventure full of laziness, failed deadlines, Great reviews and great people giving them. This is the last chapter of this story, and I don't think I'm ever going to write anything quite this long again, but i doubt its the last you will hear from me.**

**Please read and review the final chapter of The Wind Waker My Style.

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**(Chapter Twenty one: The End.)**

The time had come, the stage was set, all that was left was to finish the fight, Water was falling on all sides of the tower, the majority of Hyrules bubble was filled by now, there wasn't enough time to delay any longer. "T-Tetra" Link grunted his voice shaking with anxiety.

"I know Link ..." Neither of them broke their gaze on the looming mass of Ganon. "... Get him"

"Yes Princess!" Link sprinted forward and began slashing at his opponent, The dark Wizard blocked dodged and parried Links strikes. "Dammit I cant get a hit in on him."

Before Ganon could get too cocky Zelda fired a light arrow, Ganon effortlessly leapt over the attack, ruining his offensive, but he dodged.

The hero on the other hand simply used his mirror shield to simply deflect the light arrow.

Clearly annoyed with the princess's cover fire she to his opponent, the dark lord leapt across the field again. before he could strike her though he met his own reflection in the form of the mirror shield bashing him in the face. "You don't get to TOUCH her!" The hero stared him down.

"T-thanks Link ... I have an idea ... Im going to aim for your shield ... Do you get it?" Zelda smiled wickedly.

Link just grinned and sprinted off.

When the hero approached Ganon leapt clean over him. Link was ready with a clean combo of slices for when he landed. The swish of an arrow rang in the evil mans ears causing him to flip through the air to evade it.

In mid flip he caught sight of the princess with a wicked smirk.

On the back half of the flip his eyes landed on the hero he was fighting, with his shield pointed dead center at his receded hair skull. The light arrow made contact and redirected towards Ganon.

"This message has been brought to you by can 'o whoopass" Zelda said hauntingly.

"Get some" Link Grunted loudly as he rolled around to the front of his opponent dropping his shield along the way, leaping into the air, and bringing the legendary Master sword down into Ganons skull in the same place the light arrow was embedded.

"He ... he ... hehehe ... the wind ... Its blowing." The demons breath slowed to a stop. The amount of holy energy perferating him turned the dark wizard to stone quite quickly.

And that was the end of Ganondorf.

Link hoped of the statue and limped back. "That is without a doubt ... The COOLEST thing I have ever done." Link smiled clutching one of his broken ribs. "Man im messed up."

"Yea you dont look so good." Zelda weakly held her hero up. "But you did fantastic."

The hero of the winds blushed lightly.

"Dude you are getting SOOOO lucky!" King laughed and approached the teens.

Both of whom blushed brightly and yelled curses and defences at the old man, the whole time still being in each others arms.

"In all serious though Link ... its been a long crazy adventure." King smiled fatherly. "You fought long and hard to save the sea above and this land below it. Its a shame it has to end this way."

"Yea I guess it was pretty cra- ... Wait what do you mean" Link looked at his partner confused.

"Its time for you to return to the land above." king smiled.

"WAIT ... What about you." Link growled.

"I belong to this ancient Kingdom ... I don't think I can let go of this Hyrule, In that way Ganon and I were the same, And like him I shall drown in Hyrule." King looked down solemnly.

"But ... We have a boat... We could find a new Hyrule." Zelda looked up hopefully.

"Yes... but that land would not be my Hyrule ..." King sighed. "It would be YOUR LAND" And with that the wall of water crashed down on them sending both of the teens minds spinning.

It took Link a short time to get his barrings When he realized he was inside a bubble his mind almost burst in excitement. He looked to see King standing a few feet away smiling happily, Above him Zelda was floating away rather helplessly struggling against the tide. Link felt himself slipping into unconsciousness as the tide pulled him toward the surface he vainly grasped out for his friend.

Who he then lost to the great sea of Hyrule.

Links eyes slowly opened at the sound of gulls, he felt himself floating in the water, he could see a boat near him. Zelda had finally returned to her form as Tetra. She was awake and prodding him lightly in the side. They both weakly waved at the large ship near them, although Link really had no Idea what was going on.

As soon as he was on board he collapsed into sleep again, He was still in alot of pain, and slightly delirious. But he heard many more than just a few feminine voices scream his name.

It was several days before Link really regained conciosness. He smiled at the presence on the bed, His sisters head was resting at the foot of the bed. He patted her golden hair lightly. "How long was she with me." His eyes shifted to the pirate captain in the arm chair adjacent from his bed.

"She wouldn't move." Tetra murmured with a small smile, her eyes were narrowed due to dim light. She lifted her self from the chair taking strides towards him. "You certainly took your time returning to the world of the living. Your injuries were quite serious ... You should have been more care full." One would assume she was nagging, but she sounded very carefree. "But you saved the world so, I suppose I will allow your sleeping in this one time." She said with a soft laugh placing a hand softly atop his head.

"No..." Link murmured.

Tetra backed off slightly, pulling her hand away in confusion.

Link lightly took hold of her palm, and looked up at her. "We saved the world. Not Me ... We, ... We did it."

A small blush spread on her cheeks her eyes still narrowed due to dim light she held his hand with both of her, idly tracing over the small flesh wounds. "... Yea I guess so ... We will be back on Outset soon, You will get to see your Grandmother again, show her how you and Aryll have grown." The pirate captain smiled at the small girl on the bed.

"Yes I suppose you could say we have grown alot ... I wonder if she did." Links face paled slightly out of nausea.

"Hmm?" Tetra tilted her head to the side still with that motherly expression.

"Nothing..." Link silenced himself.

A few days of sailing later and the boat found itself at Outset island where this whole crazy adventure had started, Link lifted Aryll onto his shoulder and leapt from the figure head, and onto the soft sand to be greeted by the islanders.

"YOU CRAZY IDIOT YOUR STILL INJURED GO EASY ON YOUSELF!" Tetra yelled from the deck.

"Somebody ought too..." Link scoffed under his breath at the scolding.

"WHAT WAS THAT!" Tetra yelled back.

"Nothing captain!" Link saluted quickly.

After that the village shared a laugh with the youngsters, And after a good round of greetings and hugs the two golden haired children made their way to the patriarchs of the Island.

"Link ... ahh lad ... How you have grown. You seem to have become wize with your trials." Sturgeon stoked his beard thoughtfully.

"I suppose so..." Link smiled and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"I hope your sword skills have sharpened, I look forward to a spar ... Link wheres your sword" Orca commented.

"I uh ..." link blushed. "I guess you could say I lost it." Link again scratched the back of his head.

Orca face palmed. "Please tell me you didn't leave it in another statue..."

...

"... G-God dammit Link." Orca rubbed his sore head. "Why don't you go see your Grandma, she surely missed you." Orca directed the children to the house on the hill.

"..." Link grimaced but headed up the hill regardless of the anxiety. "Grandma ... ? You here?"

"Link ... Is that you?" The old woman's voice called.

"Yes grandma .. we are back." Aryll called.

"Children." The old woman smiled and wrapped both her grand kids up in a hug. "I missed you both."

"...How high are you right now?" The hero asked sniffing the air.

"Hehehe ... Extremely..." Grandma held the small girls hand. "Come Aryll lets go cook. Remember Women like us belong in the kitchen."

"Your so old school Grandma." Aryll whined.

"DID I JUST HEAR SASS?" Grandma asked with a glint in her eye and raising a wooden spoon.

"No Grandma." Aryll answered quickly looking down.

"Well ... good luck little sister." Link laughed and headed for the door.

"Hey Link ... Got a minute?" A certain pirate captain asked while leaning on a door frame.

Link looked at her cool business like blue stare. "Always..."

After a few hours of conversation to where the sun had even begun setting they had come to an agreement.

"So ... In a week then?" The hero of the winds asked while leaning against the railing looking out to sea.

"I'm sorry, but Winter is almost over, If we don't sail now we will be stuck in miserable conditions." Tetra smiled weakly.

"Yea I suppose, And it does seem like something we should do." Link glanced at her again.

"Thanks..." She lightly placed her hand atop his.

Both teens blushed lightly.

"A weeks a long time ... How will we pass the time?" Link asked in a coy tone.

The girl he was speaking too moved forward and wrapped her arms around the males midsection. "I wonder..."

A week later all the preparations had been made, Everyone was ready to go. It was time to set sail for uncharted seas, in search of The New Hyrule. The pirates had prepared te ship and stocked up. The gongs were sounding and the sail was lowered. The village had gathered on the beach to see them off. The Pirate captain was screaming orders to get ready, but when someone asked he the destination she stopped and smiled. "The wind will guide us."

The hero of the winds waved a bye to his family and set his open sail to the wind, He heard Tetra's comment and almost chuckled. Some may mistake what she said, she was not referring to him.

No one can control the wind.

Not even the wind waker.

The wind was however, going to guide them into the future... Into their next adventure.

_**Story End.

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**Oh dear god I just finished HAHA for those of you reading at home, I just pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. **

**I would love some final thoughts on this story. **

**I would love to say thanks to all my reviewers who really motivated me to finish this story.**

**Special thanks to. **

**Dreamnorn**

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**Thank you all very much for your patronage in this story, it is complete now.**

**Love you all - Shadowsofballance**


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